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Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

Oh, you think you're so smart, don't you?

A lot of people think they are smarter than they actually are. That's normal. No one want's to think that they're dumb.


But, we all are dumb.

Every one of us.


Because we all believe things that aren't true.

And I'm here to fill you in on what some of those things are. So, grab some popcorn and prepare to feel stupid.


America has 50 states. 'Ok' you say, 'hold on Otter. I have eyes. I can count the stars on a flag, and I can see a map. Just what are you trying to pull?'

Nothing. I am telling you, America has 46 states. Pennsylvania, Kentucky, Massachusetts and Virginia aren't states. They're commonwealths. As far as the constitution is concerned, there is no difference. But, a commonwealth is not the same as a state.


The Great Wall of China is the only man made object visible from the moon. makes sense, right? I mean, the wall is like, 1,500 miles long, right?

True. But it's only 100 feet wide. And, according to everyone who has looked for it from space, you can't see it with the naked eye. On the space station, if you have a good camera with a good zoom, you can make it out. But it's not easy. See, not only is it narrow, it's made of rock collected from......right next to it. That means, it's the same color as everything else around it. Good luck spotting it.


Vikings had horned helmets. No. They weren't stupid enough to do that.

A horn on a helmet means that when a sword or axe is swung at the head, instead of glancing off the helmet, it stops at the joint, and that's where all the force in imparted, causing your head to look like a watermelon after Gallager had his way with it.


"But Hagar..."

But me no buts on this!

Chameleons change color for camouflage. I love Chameleons. I really do. I love their eyes and how they point different ways. I love their toes. I love how they change colors.


But, when they change color, it's not to hide. A chameleons color change is emotional, mostly. They change when scared, or challenging a rival, or to let Ms. Chameleon it's time for some brown chicken brown cow.

The Declaration of Independence was signed on July 4th. Put that sparkler back in your pocket. I don't care if you lit it already....


The final draft of the declaration was approved at the second continental congress, and printed and distributed to the attendees on July 4th and 5th, 1776. They had to read it over and approve it before they could sign it.

They didn't sign the document until August 2nd, 1776.

Are you a cop? You have to tell me, otherwise it's entrapment. Ok...then I guess I'll but your bootleg copy of Barney meets Strawberry Shortcake.


Entrapment only covers crimes where you're coerced into doing something you weren't already going to do. Example: You walk up to a dealer and buy crack. He busts you. Not entrapment. You walk down the street minding your own business and a dealer approaches you and asks if you want to buy crack. If you do and they bust you, that's entrapment.

Humans have 5 senses. 'Ok. I learned this in elementary school! Hearing, sight, smell, touch and taste!' What, you never had a teacher lie to you?


Here....let me stomp on your foot. You felt that, right? Ok. That was touch. But, what about the pain? That's called Nociception. (sense of pain). Now, tilt your head back and close your eyes. I promise i won't stomp your foot again. Now touch your nose. You just used Proprioception. (sense of knowing where your other body parts are without visual stimulation).

Then there's hunger, thirst, hot and cold. Plus itch. Itch isn't considered touch or nociception.


Stop smoking! The Tar and Nicotine will give you cancer. Yes! and No! You should stop smoking because it's not healthy and will cause cancer.

But, it's not the tar or the nicotine that's so dangerous. (nicotine is a very effective 100% natural pesticide). It's the smoke it self that causes cancer. Specifically, it's the trace amounts of Radium and Polonium in the smoke that causes the cancer.


But seriously. Stop smoking. It makes you smelly.

Hair and fingernails continue to grow after you die. Nope and nope. Now, I know some of you have noticed that great aunt Dee-Dee McDee-dee's nails are longer today at the visitation then they were 3 days ago when you found her keeled over in the sandbox with a Tonka truck in each hand. ('re never too old to play in the sandbox!). Well, they aren't growing, no matter what you see. What's actually happening is, the skin around the nails and follicles is shrinking due to dehydration.


It only looks like they're growing.

A coin toss is 50/50. I'll bet you $5 on a coin toss that it's not....

A group of MIT students with nothing better to do conducted a study. And what they found out was, the side that is facing up when you flip the coin is more likely to end up showing after the flip. It's actually 51/49.


Vaccines will give my child autism. Ok....shut up! Just shut up Jenny McCarthy! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! SHUT UP! I WILL FIND YOU AND I WILL SMACK YOU IF YOU EVER SAY THAT AGAIN!

No they wont. The study that said they would was retracted years ago because the people who came to that conclusion admitted they were wrong.


So, let's find Jenny McCarthy and make her pay for every case of measles, mumps, polio, and anything else we can think of. She's an evil, evil purveyor of bad science and must be purple-nurpled at once! With noogies and a wedgie thrown in for good measure. And a swirlee.

Coffee beans, when ground, make a delicious, hot beverage. We'll ignore the fact that I don't like the taste of coffee.


But, the coffee 'bean' actually is the pit of the coffee cherry. The coffee cherry is a berry. And the pit? It's really a seed. A bean is a legume. But, I guess coffee bean sounds better than coffee seed.

Now, go out and show the world how much smarter you are than them. And all because you know me.

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