Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.

Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

Peanut butter and chocolate? Good. Cinnamon and sugar? Good. Biscuits and gravy? God. Oranges and toothpaste?


I'ma let you figure out the answer to that one on your own. (hint, DO IT! Brush your teeth and then drink OJ! DO IT! I triple dog dare you!)

So, guess what I got? You'll never guess. Nope, not in a bajillium Millenia. Since you'll never guess, I'll just tell you what it is.


I have a kitteh using my arm as a pillow as I type. He curled up, rested his head above my wrist, and proceeded to start snoozing. He's a good kitteh. But I could do without the drooling.

Welcome to today! Because today is Totally Trippy Theory Thursday. It's time for me to tell you about a theory that actual people actually believe.


First, I want to tell you about Sir Isaac Newton. He was a pretty bright guy. A genius, in fact. His scientific accomplishments are too numerous to entail here. It can not be denied that his work advanced the sciences by leaps and bounds.

But he was also coo-coo bananas. You see, most of his significant work was done in the first half of his life. The second half was spent, well....being not quite as productive. I don't mean he was lazy. He wasn't. He worked long hours every day. When he remembered to get out of bed. Sometimes he'd wake up, swing his legs out to put his feet on the floor, then sit like that for hours, virtually paralyzed by the thoughts racing in his mind.


But the second half of his life, he devoted most of his time to breaking a code. Not a military code. Not some code devised by pirates who buried treasure. No, it was the code in the bible.

What, didn't know there was a secret code in the bible? Well guess what, there isn't. You see, the entire bible is a code. And if you were to break this code, it would tell you the future. Yep. Sir Mr. Isaac Newton was convinced the bible was a secret code that contained all the details about the future.


How convinced was he? Why, convinced enough that he spent the last half of his life trying to crack it. But how seriously did he take this quest? Serious enough that he taught himself hebrew so he could read documents as they were originally written instead of relying on possibly flawed translations. Serious enough to make the most detailed drawing of Solomon's Temple based solely on the biblical description.

Sadly, Izzy never cracked the code. But not to despair! There are people today that are still working on finding the secret to the code! So, someday they might actually find out the secret. But if you ask me, there's a million monkeys with a million typewriters* who will fling their poo and come up with the answer first.


Ok, a little disclaimer in Newtons defense. Science wasn't his only love in his younger years. He considered himself to be more of an alchemist than a scientist. Yes, alchemy. Trying to transmute lead into gold? He was into that. Well, alchemists dealt with a lot of lead in all it's forms. As a result, they tended to suffer from the ill effects of lead poisoning. In fact, chemical analysis of Newtons hair showed there was 40 times the 'safe' amount of lead present. So maybe the lead 'encouraged' his enthusiasm for the biblical code. What's everyone else's excuse?

But Otter, what does any of this have to do with oranges?

Well, it seem that the anti-vaxxers are in the press a lot these days. Back in the 50's one of the worlds brightest scientists had a cold. So one of his colleagues suggested he take some Vitamin C. And sure enough, the cold did what colds do after a few days, it went away. But this scientist was convinced it was the vitamin c that did it.


He then used his prestige to start a study where he gave people who were terminally ill with cancer, huge doses of vitamin c. He was certain that it would cure them. And, according to his own conclusions from studying the results he wrote down from the experiments he conducted, he decided that vitamin c led to a 400% increase in the survival rate for terminal patients.**

The Mayo clinic looked over his results and conducted their own peer reviewed study. Several actually. And they never even came close to duplicating the results.


Now, when the Mayo clinic does a peer reviewed study that contradicts your findings, most people would say, 'Hmm...I must have misinterpreted the data. My bad'. Not this guy though. Until the day he died in 1994 our scientist claimed the Mayo studies results were falsified to make it look like he was wrong because reasons! Until the day he died, his advice to people who were diagnosed with cancer was, "Don't worry. Ingest large doses of vitamin c and your cancer will disappear."

So, who the heck was this idiot? He was just the guy who won the Nobel in chemistry in 1954. And also the Nobel Peace Prize in 1962. Only one of four people to win more than one, the first to win two unshared prizes, and only the second to win a prize in two different fields. (Marie Curie was the first). Who was he?


Linus Pauling.

Never heard of him? That's too bad. He did some amazing work before going all nut job. And the sad part is, there are people who still think he was right and will never use anything but vitamin c as a medicine. No matter what ails them.


I originally was going to just tell you about Pauling and the vitamin c, but that's not really a conspiracy theory. Just a dumb theory.*** I added Fig Isaac Newton for a little extra oomph.

* Typewriters were monitor-less, printer-less computers.

** Yeah....doesn't make sense to me either.

*** Don't get me wrong, vitamin c is good for you. But to believe it's a cure-all is just foolish. There is no one sovereign specific that will cure whatever ails you.

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