So I lift the bucket up and I dump.....
Ladies and people who laugh at fart sounds, I have a proposal; Last summer there was a craze in America where people dumped really cold water on their heads. It made a bunch of money for charity. I'd like to suggest that we do something similar this year.
However, cold water has been done. So what should we use? Why, Chum of course.
Hear me out....
Here's how it works: It's just like the ice bucket challenge was, except you use a bucket of chum. You film yourself and just before you do the dump, you name up to five people you are challenging. Then you dump. Or, if you're a wussie, you make the donation to charity. Because I'm a very philanthropic person, I would much rather see people make the charitable contribution. So I propose an amount of just $10. Ten bucks isn't a lot of money, and really, who want's to dump chum on themselves?
And that's why I decided to make it a Chum Bucket Challenge. I wanted to make is so gross and so cheap that the money will flow like a river. And while the ice bucket challenge went to benefit ALS research, I propose a cause that I feel is equally worthy, yet isn't anywhere near as high profile as ALS; Me.
That's right, I think all the money should go to me. And I have a very good reason to justify giving me all the money. It was my idea. So....what do you all think? Sound like a plan? Just film yourself nominating 5 people, then send me ten bucks and everyone will be happy! You guys will be happy because you 1) are helping a person who like having people send him money, and 2) you won't have to dump chum all over yourself. Win-win!
But now, let's move on to todays post. Today is, of course, Totally Trippy Theory Thursday. This is the day I tell you about a conspiracy theory that actual people actually believe.
I really really wanted to tell you about the theory that Atlantis was real because of Kundalini Yoga. It tells us how the ancient Mayans and ancient Greeks are connected by their language, and that connection is also present in the name Atlantis. And how kundalini yoga is a representation of Atlantis shown in the various movements and poses. The tree of life is in there, too. But you know what? I couldn't follow it. I read the whole thing, (and it was long!), twice, and it's confusing as hell.
So I kept looking. And I found a doozy. But it's really short. I mean, there really isn't much to it. So I'll tell you about it, but I might also have to tell you about another one. (and, you know I'm going to)
All right, I hope you are all sitting down for this because, Nicki Minaj isn't responsible for her music. I don't mean that someone else does her writing. I mean, she's the modern day Milli Vanilli. Nicki is lip syncing all her music. She doesn't do any of the vocals at all. All the vocals are supplied by.......still sitting down? Jay-Z. Need proof? Listen to the song "Superbass". If you slow it down, you'll be able to tell it's actually Jay-Z.
That one's pretty good, right? But like I said, it's short and sweet. Not much I can do to pad it, either. So here's another.
Remember that thing called the Ice Bucket Challenge? You better, I mean, I just got done talking about it. It wasn't really a way for people to earn money for ALS research. It was actually a baptism into the worship of satan. You know, Antichrist Lucifer Satan?
Look at the evidence; When Lady Gaga did her 'challenge', she was dressed in black, like all good minions of satan are. And instead of a bucket, she used a silver bowl, which we all know is what satan's minions use to capture the blood from the sacrifices they make.
And remember that guy Bill Gates? Remember that contraption he built to dump the water on him when he pulled the rope? Well, that 'contraption' just so happens to be an exact replica of the Temple of Solomon. (I looked....I don't see it at all, but hey, nobody ever said the people who believe these theories are actually sane).
And when Oprah did it, she even told people she was doing it for the devil. She said "in the name of ALS....". and if you'll remember that ALS actually stands for Antichrist Lucifer Satan.
And let's not forget the fact that ALS research involves extensive use of stem cells. And we all know where stem cells come from, right? Aborted babies!
There are even graphics that show how Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis is also behind 9/11 by using jewish gematria.
So, to sum it up, if you did the ice bucket challenge, you're now a minion who has sworn your soul to satan and have pledged to spend eternity fighting in his army. Are you all proud of yourselves now? See what your altruism has done? If you do my challenge, your soul will be safe, satan loses minions, and I get rich!
It's a crazy world, and we all have to live here. So you all might as well make me rich....