Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.

Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

Hey look! Otters going to do a post about the Na'vi!

Or, he really can't spell and he's trying to describe the shade of blue that dude is.


Or he's trying to slowly ease you into the fact that he's going to tell you about how the ancient Egyptians were actually Smurfs.

Maybe he uncovered a really old picture of one of Veruc Assaults relatives.

It's a picture of someone suffering from cyanosis?*

A sufferer of methemoglobinemia?**

Wow....this is a really long picture. It's getting hard to come up with witty filler to occupy the space next to it.


Oohh! Maybe it's the person who inspired Gershwin to compose 'Rhapsody in Blue'!

A really diehard fan of the University of Michigan at a football game?

I don't know anymore. I sort of lost my train of thought.

Well would you look at that? I was able to come up with enough filler to occupy all the room beside the picture. I actually don't know why it looks so big as I'm composing this post. It wasn't that big when I searched it out. And now, if I know Kinja, when I save this post to be published later, the picture will magically shrink back down to the size it was when I selected it. And that means you'll all be scratching your heads and wondering just what the fudge I'm talking about.


I could click 'Save to Drafts' and see, but that would be too easy. So I'm not going to. Because, when you get right down to it, that would require an couple of extra clicks in the composing of my post, and I'm too lazy to intentionally add 2 extra clicks. No really. I can be that lazy.

Anyway, where was I going with this?

Moot point, actually. Because it's Tuesday. Tell The Truth Tuesday! And since it's Tell The Truth Tuesday, I suppose I should go ahead and tell you the truth about yesterday.


I lied. Pretty much, at least. I mean, no, I lied. Here, let me explain.

Yan Shi and emperor Mu of Zhu were real people. And Yan Shi really did make wooden birds that supposedly flew. But Han Fei Zi never wrote about it. You see, Han Fei Zi wasn't a person, but the name of a book. I don't know who wrote it. And it's not even the book that tells about the wooden birds. The name of that book is the Lie Zi. And guess why I didn't use that name?


In truth, the first creation that could be considered a robot was built by the Greek Archytas in the fourth century BCE. He created a bird that was attached to the end of a rod that was balanced on a fulcrum. The bird was made of wood and had mechanical innards that were powered by steam that caused the wings to flap. Steam was also expelled out the rear of the bird which propelled it around it's pivot point. A mechanical creature that moved under it's own power.

So I lied. Next Monday I promise I'll either tell the truth or lie to you again. (but it won't involve any cat's wearing the plastic cover from a stack of 50 CD's on it's head.) ((sorry...couldn't resist))


So blue Egyptians huh? His name is Atum. And he was the first of all the Egyptian gods. And he created himself. Yup, cause himself to be created out of the primordial water known as Nu. He then gave birth to his children, Shu and Tefnut, by spitting them out of his mouth. This is known as the 'Heliopolitan Creation Myth', and is how ancient Egyptians believed the world was made.

But that's not all Atum was said to have been responsible for. Atum was the god who conveyed the soul of the dead pharaoh up to the heavens.


But today's oddity centers around his role in the creation of the world.

Every year the pharaoh would preform a ritual where he would mimic the creation of his children and the world. How would he do this? Well, he would lead a whole plethora of his people to the banks of the Nile. And by plethora, I mean virtually everyone. This was a big ritual in ancient Egypt. There he would mimic the spitting out of the children gods into the nile. Then all the men present would file up to the bank and do the same.


Then there was a big feast and everyone ate a lot and got drunk.

What? Not odd enough for you? Let's see....I mentioned the pharaoh, the Nile, the other men....OH! I know what I forgot to mention.


You see, while Atum spit out his children, that's not what the pharaoh did. You see, this is a recreation of creation. Pharaoh simulated that by masturbating into the Nile. He would be very careful to not spill any on the banks, but to get it all into the water. And then all the men present would file up and do the same.

Yes, in public. With everyone watching. Cheering you on, even.

To the Egyptians, the hand used to do the deed represented the female aspect of the creation myth.


So anyway, is that odd enough for you now?

I'm sorry...but I have to do this......

I bet the Egyptians were happy Atum spit instead of swallowed....

* lack of oxygen in the blood turning the skin blue

** an abnormal amount of methemoglobin in the blood turning the skin blue

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