Blasphemy? I think not. Jesus died for our sins, or so the bible tells us. That means if no one sins, Jesus had no reason to die. The way I see it, I'm just living up to my end of the bargain.
Also, when you think about it, the phrase 'Jesus Loves You' means something totally different in a Mexican prison.
Yup, no doubt about it; Otters going to hell.
That's ok, though. I don't mind. At least I'll have a lot of company.
I wonder if all the christians out there who say 'Jesus was killed by the jews' ever stopped to consider if Hitler was actually the second coming of Christ, and he was pissed as hell and out for revenge....
Look....I already admitted I was going to hell. I might as well enjoy my trip, right?
Besides, I only make bad jokes at the expense of religion. It's not like I grab an AK47 to show my displeasure at others religious views.
Anyway, it's Thursday. Totally Trippy Theory Thursday. I'm still flu-ish, so let's just do this. You all know the drill. I tell you a theory, and you all get to be amazed at the fact that real people somewhere actually believe it.
As a caveat, I must say that this is the first theory that I've told you about that actually seems like it could be plausible. I don't believe it. But it could have happened this way.
Jesus died on the cross. We all know that. But, did he really?
Normally during a crucifixion the condemned normally has their legs broken. This didn't happen to Jesus. This would make a difference to the survivability of being on a cross.
Also, execution by the cross was a slow, agonizing death. It usually lasted for days. But Jesus was cut down just hours after he was raised on the cross. The doctors of the time declared him dead and he was taken to the cave where he was sealed in.
However, the doctors of that era didn't understand about this thing we call a 'coma'. Up until the Victorian era it wasn't uncommon for people to fall into a coma only to wake up while they were being buried.
The theory says that Jesus slipped into a coma while on the cross. When he was brought down, the doctors declared him dead and he was sealed in his cave. Sometime after being sealed in and before the following Sunday, he woke up. He moved the stone out of his way and said, "Holy crap! I gotta get the hell out of Dodge!". And he slipped of, unnoticed and lived out the rest of his life in obscurity.
"But Otter," someone is whining, "the bible says Jesus' side was pierced by a Roman spear! That disproves the theory right there!".
Go back and re-read the bible Only the Gospel according to John mentions the spear. None of the other gospels mention it at all. And that would be something that you'd think they would have mentioned, right?
Anyway, Jesus didn't die on the cross which means he wasn't resurrected. He just scampered off into the night to live out his life as Ralph Kowalski, a plumber from Hoboken.