Celery? Yummy. Peanutbutter? Yummy. Peanutbutter on celery? A delicious snack. Putting raisins on the peanutbutter to make 'Ant's On A Log'? A crime against humanity and I will find you and I will do things to you that I can not, in all decency, describe here.
Seriously. People just need to stop with the raisins. Raisins make nothing better.
On their own, they are fine. But when you put a raisin in something, like candy or cookies, or stuffing, or anything, you ruin it. In fact, a good way to ruin sex is by adding raisins. Sexy time will be in full swing, and when you break out the box of Sun Maid's, sexy time stops.
Today is Tuesday. Tell The Truth Tuesday, to be exact. So I guess I should come clean and tell the truth about yesterdays two lame factoids.
They were both true. But that's not a surprise to any of you, though. Pretty much everyone called it. That means I'm getting to easy. I'll have to do better next week.
Today I want to tell you about a paradox.
Not the old time travel paradox where you invent a time machine and travel back in time and accidentally kill your grandfather, preventing your fathers,and thus, your birth. This means you weren't born so you couldn't invent the time machine to go back and kill your grandfather. Which means you would have been born, which means.....You see where this is going, right?
No, the paradox I want to tell you about is the Immortal Ant.
Imagine an ant that is on a one meter piece of elastic. The ant moves forward at one centimeter per second. The elastic stretches out at 1 kilometer per second. This is a special ant and a special piece of elastic. The ant is immortal and doesn't need to stop for any reason. The elastic can stretch out to infinity.
Simple logic tells us that the ant will never be able to reach the end of the elastic.
But this is a paradox. Logic doesn't work on a paradox.
You see, while the elastic is stretching out at a rate of one kilometer a second, the ant is also traveling at a rate of one centimeter per second. When the ant takes it's first step and the elastic begins to stretch, the ant has 100% of the elastic in front of him. But with each step, the ant whittles away at that percentage.
So, even though the elastic is stretching faster than the ant is moving, some of the stretch is happening to the elastic the ant has already traversed. That means, slowly, the ant will reduce the amount of elastic in front of it.
Now, you'll remember that I said the ant was immortal, right? It has to be. Because people have calculated how long it would take for the ant to reach the end of the elastic. 2.8 x 10 to the power of 43,429 seconds. And how many seconds is that? Well.....it's longer than the 13.8 billion years the universe has been in existence.
So the lesson to be learned here is, STOP RUINING FOOD WITH RAISINS!