Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

No no no! You misheard me! I did not call you immoral! Would you like some tea?

Not that offending Kenny would worry me. He's just a tiny child and I'm a big fat man. Well, a tall, could lose 40 lbs, man........


Anyway, I could squish him into oblivion if I wanted to. I mean, he's just construction paper.*

Remember construction paper? Most of us haven't touched the stuff in years. I bet I haven't since...oh....6th grade? Almost 35 years ago. I used to go through construction paper like it was um......well, paper. Most kids made dioramas as a class project. I made them for fun.


Really. I would make dioramas out of boxes of all sizes, and then display the models I built in them. Most kids would build a model plane or tank. I built the model, then put it in a full blown battle scene!

Yup. I didn't suddenly become weird. I've always been like this.

Speaking of weird......

It's Totally Trippy Theory Thursday! I tell you about a conspiracy theory that is totally not made up, and that actual people who are not actually me, believe.


Today, I want to tell you about the southern most island of Greece. It's name? Gavdos. Personally, Gavdos sounds like a video game you'd find on iOS. But it's not. It's an island.

People have lived on Gavdos since the neolithic age, which started about 12,000 years ago. So, people have been there for a while. It also plays a role in Greek mythology. It's supposedly the place where Kalypso kept Odysseus prisoner. (don't know the story? Read the Odyssey).


Today it's home to only a few people. Some of them are recent emigres from Russia. After the Chernobyl nuclear disaster in 1986, seven Russian scientists who had worked at the nuclear plant moved to Gavdos. They were gifted a small plot of land by the pastor of a local church to live on. So the scientists built their own homes and worked the land to become, mostly, self sufficient.

They also repaid the generosity of the pastor and his parishioners by using their scientific knowledge to improve life for all.


Now, here's where the conspiracy theorists take over. You see, the seven Russians moved to Gavdos because they were all dying. They all were in stage four of cancers that were caused by Chernobyl. Except, that after moving to the island, none of the scientists died. In fact, none of them have cancer anymore.


Well, according to some British and American conspiracy theorists, Gavdos is the source of immortality that none other than Pythagoras spoke of. People who live on Gavdos live forever!


So, how does Gavdos confer immortality on people? Simple: The island sits above the location of Atlantis. And it's the source of all of the planets natural resources. Atlantis produces them, and the people of Gavdos distribute them across the globe. That's why they live forever. (do you realize how long it takes to train in new employees?)

According to the theories, the Russians didn't move there to heal themselves; The moved there to control all the resources of the world!


I'm telling you.....It's comforting to finally learn what the hell Putin has been up to....

* The original Kenny, and the entire first episode of South Park, was made from construction paper.

Share This Story

Get our newsletter