Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.

Now, I am not implying that she is a digger of gold, but she is not trifling with an impoverished African American gentlemen!

Nope. Not even improving the grammar can improve Kanye's lyrics.

Sorry, but I just don't like the guy. Not a fan of his music, and really not a fan of his ego.


I was going to have a post where I told you all about how Kanye Wests godfather was Emanuel Lewis. You know, Webster? I even wrote out a draft of the post. I played with it, and altered the wording. But finally, I dropped it. There was just no way I could make it sound true.

So instead of a post about Kanye, I give you a picture of a hemorrhoid.

Granted, it's a golden hemorrhoid, but's a polyp that grows out your ass. Just like Kanye! I swear, that man is ruining the whole Kardashian vibe!

So, what's the deal with the golden hemorrhoid? It's from the bible. And all you people thought the bible didn't have any good stories....

It's from the Book of Samuel. The Philistines stole the Ark of the Covenant. Nazis weren't the first to do that, you know. The way it happened was, the jewish people had taken the ark with them to ensure victory in battle against the Philistines at Antipatris. But, it didn't work out the way they intended.


The bearers if the ark were killed, and the ark was taken to the village of Ashod. But God got mad, so he killed all the men and then, to add insult to death, gave them all hemorrhoids. So the ark was moved to Gath.

Same result. All the men were killed and hemorrhoids were distributed. The ark was again moved to Ekron with the exact same result. More deaths and more hemorrhoids.


So, the Philistines decided it was time to get rid of the ark. The had several hemorrhoids sculpted out of gold, and along with some golden mice, the put the ark on a cart, hitched it up to a team of oxen, and sent it on it's way back to the jewish camp.

So....apparently, if you get hemorrhoids, it's because you stole a holy relic from the jewish people? Or, maybe the way to get rid of hemorrhoids is to have someone sculpt you some out of gold? Not my idea of artistic life, but I'm not an artist, so what do I know.


Before I get too distracted by telling you some of the good stories from the bible, I should really get on with todays post. It is, after all, Made Up Monday! I'm going to tell you a tale, and you tell me if it's true or false!

Here we go. Todays post is about gold, and what a pain in the ass it became for someone.


That someone was John Sutter. He was an immigrant from Sweden, and he came to America to get his slice of the pie. I'm sure the name John Sutter is familiar to most of you. He was the man who travelled to the California territory and asked the Mexican governor for a land grant.

The governor agreed with the stipulation the Sutter settle the land for a year and become a Mexican citizen. Sutter agreed, and started a colony he called New Helvetia. After a year, he was granted ownership of over 48,000 acres of land on the Sacramento river.


His plan was to start an agricultural utopia. And he was on his way. He was on good terms with the natives who were in the area. They worked together to build what became known as Fort Sutter. For a time, it was the place to go for settlers heading west. In fact, it was the planned destination of the doomed Donner party in 1846.

Part of Fort Sutter was Sutters Mill. (now you remember where you heard his name before?) And on a fateful day in 1848, an employee of Sutters, James Marshall, who was in charge of building the sawmill, was inspecting a sluice to check for sediment, and he found some golden nuggets.


Sutter tested them, and found it was real, actual gold. Now, this was a problem. Sutter didn't want the news of the gold to get out as it would disrupt his planes for agriculture and construction. So, he kept the find quiet, telling only a few trusted employees while he started buying up all the land he could around the discovery.

Things fell apart when a merchant, Samuel Brannan, who was delivering supplies to his good friend Sutter, was told about the find. He was shown where the gold was, and was even allowed to gather up a few small pieces for himself.


Well, Samuel was not only a merchant, but he was also the publisher of a newspaper in San Francisco. Probably the worst person Sutter could have told.

As soon as he got home, Brannan published details about about the gold, and that started the California Gold Rush.


Life for Sutter collapsed at that point. Greedy gold hunters descended onto Sutters land and staked their claims. Sutter tried to stop them, but he was grossly outnumbered. He appealed to the courts to stop the squatters, and it went all the way up to the supreme court. And the whole time, people were destroying his land in their search for gold.

The court decided in 1858, a full 10 years after the start of the gold rush, that the land grant given to Sutter by the Mexicans wasn't valid. Therefore, Sutter had no legal claim to the land, and anyone who had staked a claim was the rightful holder of that parcel.


The above is all undisputed fact. Now comes the part of the story where you tell me if I'm lying or not:

As a result of the courts decision, Sutter was left broke, and forced to start over again from scratch. He moved to Pennsylvania and he and his wife were supported by his son and his family while Sutter continued to fight the government for fair compensation for the land he felt was stolen away from him.


Starting in the year 1859, Sutter began to petition congress for 5 million dollars as restitution for his land. In 1880, just two days after congress adjourned without taking up his petition, Sutter died. Penny less.

So my friends, true or false, John Sutter, the man who could have claimed all the California gold for himself, died penny less.


Stay tuned for tomorrows post when I'll tell you the truth.

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