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Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

In Soviet Russia, heaven imagines there's no you.

I should apologize for that bad joke, but I won't. I liked it. So no apologies.

And, I'm not even going to apologize for using a picture of Vladimir Illyich instead of John. Because reasons to be stated later.


In fact, I'm not even going to apologize for drinking out of the milk carton! It's my milk! I'll drink it how I want! Besides, what the hell are you doing in my fridge? Get out of my kitchen, and stay off my lawn! .....where my hose at.....

You dang whipper-snappers....

You really have to stop getting me so wound up. I'm an old man. (compared to a 5 year old me, I'm an old man...)


I better get along with this post, because I have a lot to say, and you will probably not like any of it. And I'm not sorry.

But's Tell The Truth Tuesday! I reveal the answer to yesterdays conundrum of if I was lying or if I was telling the truth.


I was telling you exactly, 100% of the truth. Walter Hunt did invent the safety pin so he could pay back a $15 debt. He really should have held on to the patent, though. His first major invention, the automatic sewing machine, was defective. Well, it worked, but it was inefficient and sloppy. He refused to work with someone who felt they could improve it, and consequently, that person went on to alter the way the machine worked entirely and patented it all for himself. And Hunt got nothing. He even tried suing, but was told the new patent was different enough that it didn't infringe on his existing one.

But anyway....on to todays subject.

I am not going to apologize for what I am about to do. Because, frankly, the story needs to be told. I'm sure some of you will not be happy, but I can't help that. The truth must be told. And I am the truth teller.


Ok....I'm not. I'm the Oddity Informer. I'm including this as an oddity because of the fact that so many people are in the dark about this. And seeing who it involves and how easily the information is obtained, it's odd no one really knows about it. Hence, it's an oddity.

So here goes. Let me start with a disclaimer: I like the Beatles. The White Album is one of the greatest records of all time. I like Paul, Ringo and even little Gerorgie. But I don't like John. Even in the early days of my fan-dom, I felt John was a pompous, arrogant prick. Now, I just think he's the epitome of douchie-ness.


Yes, this post is about John Lennon. It's time to tell the truth about the jerk. And he was a jerk.

Let's start off with the plain and simple fact that, John Lennon is the reason the Beatles broke up. He announced the fact that he was leaving the band at a routine meeting. The rest of the guys and their management tried to keep him from leaving, and for about a year, they kept him in the band. But when the Beatles finally broke up, it was all John.


He pretty much gave up after 1965. He did almost nothing to help put together 'Sgt Pepper'. Watch the movie 'Let It Be' for evidence. Paul spend almost the entire movie trying to get John to participate.

Which shouldn't be too hard to understand when you realize John was the least talented of the Beatles. I know talent and the judging of it is subjective. But when compared to the rest of the band, well....Paul and George were both superior guitar players. And Paul was actually the Bassist! John also played the piano. But he wasn't very good. If you look at the sheet music, nothing he played would challenge anyone who had 1 year of lessons under their wing.


I'll admit, he wrote a few great songs. But if you go through your favorite Beatles songs, you'll start to see that the best ones were mostly written by Paul and George, while the terrible ones were written by John. Seriously. Read the lyrics to 'Come Together' or 'Strawberry Fields'. They are not good songs. They make no sense unless you're high.

Which John was. Always. Sure, the entire band smoked the weeds and tripped on the acids. But John was the only one who used heroin. And he used it a lot. The reason he wanted to leave the band was because of his drug use. He spent the last 2-3 years of his life in a drug-haze.


Which may explain why he beat his wives. He actually admitted to beating both his first wife, Cynthia, and Yoko. The man who everyone holds up as an outstanding icon of peace used to beat the women in his life.

And it wasn't just the women. He was emotionally abusive to his first born son, Julian. John blamed Julian for having to get married to Cynthia. She got pregnant, so they got hitched. Obviously Julians fault, right? Well, once John and Cynthia divorced, he ignored Julian for several years. Yoko convinced him to try and reconcile. When they did, John was in the habit of yelling at the boy constantly, bringing him to tears. When Julian would laugh Lennon would yell, "I hate the way you fucking laugh!" To this day, Julian will tell anyone who asks that Paul was a better father than John.


He tried to pass himself off as an avant garde artist who was in all the hip scenes. He tried to convince people he was a peace loving person who supported only peaceful endeavors. Too bad none of the true avant garde artists felt the same about him. They considered him to be one of the poseurs. Same with the peace movement radicals. They disliked John because he only posed for pictures. His actions? He gave money to the Black Panthers. (about as violent as you could get)

One of the reasons the rest of the peace movement and art scenes didn't really like him was, he was a pathological liar. He liked to tell people how he grew up in the poor, working class section of Liverpool. The truth is, he was upper middle-class. He didn't really want for anything asa child. He liked to claim Yoko was his only wife. He also like to tell people that they met in a New York art gallery one night and it was love at first sight. In reality, Yoko basically stalked him for months before he agreed to date her.


He liked to tell people he left the Beatles because it was 'mindless drivel for the masses', and he wanted to go solo. But we know the truth. It was the heroin. He also told people that after he left the Beatles, he spent two years as a stay at home dad. While it's true he spent a lot of time at hime, he spent it all whacked out on the Bad-Brown.

And finally, he was a hypocrite. In fact, that's the reason Mark David Chapman gave for shooting John in 1980. John liked to preach and sing about 'having no possessions', when he lived in a millionaires hotel. He extolled people to 'imagine no religion', yet was one of the first to jump on the band wagon of any new-age hippie spiritual fad that came along. 'All you need is love' came from the mouth of a man who beat women and emotionally abused his kids. Having 'nothing to live and die for' seems odd when he's funding violent militia groups like the Black Panthers.


Now that I'm done destroying your image of John Lennon, I need to cook some diner. That's right. I assassinated the character of a dead man, and now I'm going to fill my belly. My belly deserves it. I might not, but don't punish my belly for my mis-deeds.

I promise....the rest of the Beatles are safe.

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