Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.

Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

"Showboat Lead, this is Kilo-6.....Dog fort in sight....what are your orders?"

Here's a question; If a kitten tried to take 4 oz of shampoo onto a plane instead of the allowed 3 oz, would the TSA let is slide because of kitteh?


I think that's one reason nature made baby anythings so cute. Because we, as humans, are more willing to let small infractions slide when the perpetrator is cute.

I mean, who in their right mind gets mad at a baby? Or a kitten. Or a puppy. Oh yeah....NO ONE! and why? Because they're cute.


And as an extension of the 'not getting mad at cute', not only does their cuteness get them out of trouble, just think of how successful an army made up of cute would be? Who would attack the army of cute when it advanced on them?

Oops! I'm getting ahead of myself!

As I'm sure you all know, today is Monday. And how do you know that? Well, a couple of ways. First, you're back at work, tired and surly. You'd rather be at home, in bed, asleep. Or, if not there, then anywhere else. Anyplace but work. Day one of a long, 5 day sludge through mindless, meaningless tasks that will eventually drive you to your grave.


Another way you know what day it is, is it's your favorite day of the week that begins with M! That's right, it's Made Up Monday! I spin a tale and you decide if it's true or false.

Let's get started.

As I was saying, who would attack an army of cute? No one, that's who.

And that's exactly what the Persians counted on.

Someone once said "He who comes up with the wackiest tactics, wins the war." That someone was me. I just said it. See? it's in quotation marks. That means I said it. And I'm someone. And the word once in this context means, 'at some point in the past', and since I already wrote that line, it is, technically, in the past. So it's a factual statement.


In 525 B.C.E. the leader of the Persian Empire was named Cambyses II. And he had a bone to pick with the Egyptians. At Pelusiam, Cambyses was outnumbered, but he had a plan to ensure victory. He had, an army of cute.

More specifically, he had an army of cats.

Invading armies generally didn't worry about the occasional mouse or rat in the stores, but Cambyses knew of the Egyptians affinity for cats. It was more of an affinity, really. In ancient Egypt, cats were regarded as sacred creatures. And hurting a cat could result in a death sentence.


So Cambyses gathered up every cat he could find on his way to confront the Egyptians. And when they finally faced off, he had the cats lead the way.

The Egyptian archers refused to fire at the advancing Persians out of fear of harming one of the cats. In fact, the advancing cats caused the Egyptians to retreat instead of risking harm to the cats.


As a result, most of the Egyptians were slaughtered and the pharaoh was captured.

This is why you always bring an army of cute with you when going to conquer another empire.


So my friends, did I just lie to you? Did the Persians really use an army of cats to defeat the Egyptians?

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