Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.

Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

If you say 'tots' one more time, I'll rip your head off and feast on the ketchup of your soul!


Also, if you pay J.J. Walker to run up to me and yell "Dy-no-mite!" one more time, I'm going to take a 17 foot steel bar, heat it up to red-hot, then slowly shove it underneath your fingernails.

Violence is fun!

No, really, it's not. Well, it can be. But only the fake violence. Real violence isn't fun. Well, depends on your definition of violence, I guess. I find the sport of trap shooting to be extremely fun, while some would call it violent. (heathens).


You know what else is fun? Doing something you enjoy.

What? You thought I was going to come up with an actual activity? Sorry, every person is different, and their version of fun is also different. What's fun for me is not fun for others. There is not one thing in the world that you can say would be fun for every person. Not one thing. So, if you think something is fun, do it! Unless it's illegal, of course. I would never encourage you to do anything illegal. Unless I did. In which case, never mind.


Confused? Good. Why? Because. Huh? Yup.

Welcome to today! It's Tell The Truth Tuesday! Allow me to reveal the answer to yesterdays Made Up Monday.


It was.....TRUE! ish. And by trueish, I mean it actually happened. Except the lawsuit never went to court. After the accident, lawyers from Peta sent a letter of intent to sue to the Department of Fish and Wildlife. They claimed over $6,000 in damage and unspecified 'other' damages. The tax payers were spared the expense of the lawsuit by the expedient of the states lawyers sending back a letter stating that long standing legal precedent said animal-vehicle collisions were deemed an act of nature and not applicable to the laws of the state. Thus, if the lawsuit was filed, not only would it be thrown out, but Peta would be responsible for all legal fees incurred. Plus, they would look like absolute idiots for suing for something they had just protested against.

But when has looking stupid ever stopped Peta? Uh, that would be never.

But, let's move on to todays subject. And, that would have something to do with todays picture. And it involves a standing law.


Yet again, I'm picking on France. However, while France is going to be the nation of ridicule today, they should by no means be singled out as the only country that has stupid laws on the books. I think every country has them.

This law involves the name Napoleon. And pigs. And is the result of a book.

Many of us have read the story Animal Farm by George Orwell. If for some strange reason you haven't, go do it. We'll wait. ) we won't. You probably read slow...) The story is a mirror of the real world set on a farm, using different animals to represent different nations.


And, who represented the Soviets? The pigs. And the leader of the Soviets at the time the story was written was none other than Stalin. The second most reviled man of the 20th century. (narrowly losing to Hitler, but barely beating Chairman Mao). And the name of the pig who represented Stalin? Napoleon.

let's go back a century and a half to post revolution France. France had lost it's prestige during the revolution. And that didn't sit well with the French who were, of course, the only logical choice to rule the world. Enter on French soldier. He was a very charismatic artillery officer named Napoleon.


He convinced his troops that he should be in charge of the military, so they marched on Paris and Napoleon convinced the government to put him in charge. He then went out to conquer. After several victories, he went back to Paris and declared himself emperor.

Napoleon then went on to conquer as much of Europe as he could. And he conquered a lot. Although he never was able to defeat the British. He also made the mistake of invading Russia. (What is it about megalomaniacal leaders who think they can invade and conquer Russia?)


Napoleon ushered in a period of glory for France, and to this day is considered one of their national hero's. And that's why, when Animal Farm was released, the French weren't happy.

They didn't mind so much about a pig being named Napoleon. After all, even the French know pigs are tasty. What they objected to was the fact that Napoleon was the name given to the representation of Stalin.


In French versions of Animal Farm, Napoleon the pig is called Caesar the pig. And a law was enacted that makes it illegal to name a pig Napoleon. Because, obviously, when people see a pig named Napoleon, they think of Stalin.

*Authors Note*

Before you think I have something against Peta, I don't. Not in principal. I agree with the premise that animals shouldn't be treated cruelly. What I have a problem with it all the idiots in Peta. They want everyone to be a vegan while ignoring the fact that humans aren't supposed to be herbivores. it isn't the meat in our diet that causes problems, it's all the crap we put in our foods to make them last longer that's the problem. I'll agree with them that killing an animal for sport is wrong. That is, killing an animal just to kill it. But most hunting isn't for sport. All the hunters I know eat what they kill. And there's nothing wrong with that. (in my opinion). My main issue with Peta is that they use stupid tactics. Why stupid? Because all it does is piss off the people they are trying to change, making them even less likely to change. Protesting the conditions of slaughter houses by dumping hay and manure in front of a steak house isn't going to stop anyone from eating beef. It'll make them think you care more about putting your name in the news and less about getting your message across. Also, Peta kills more abandoned pets than any humane society does. There are no-kill shelters all over the country that have offered to take the pets off of Petas hands, and they refuse, saying it's less cruel to kill them than to not guarantee their adoption. To sum up, Peta has good intentions, but terrible execution. They would be better off putting their time and effort behind the Humane Society or the ASPCA. (And, as usual, this Authors Note is entirely my opinion and you can agree with it or not. Doesn't make it wrong or right. Just makes it my opinion)

Share This Story

Get our newsletter