Beans, beans, the magical fruit; the more you eat, the more you toot; the more you toot, the better you feel; so eat your beans at every meal!


It should be noted that I am a picky eater. A lot of my picky-ness stems from texture, while some comes from taste. Example: I dislike ketchup because of the taste. I dislike tomato's because of the texture. I love a good marinara sauce, or virtually any other red sauce.

It's not the flavor of tomato I dislike, it's the texture. However, the flavors mixed with the tomato to make ketchup is just wrong, and it should be illegal to even produce ketchup. I mean, it is only a flavor masker designed to get people to eat food they normally wouldn't. And anyone who disagrees with my stance on ketchup is a disagreeable person.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes. I'm picky. One of the things I'm picky about are vegetables. I dislike most of them for some reason, be it texture or taste.


Except for beans. I have yet to meet a bean I didn't like. In fact, I like most of the legume family. Beans, peas, peanuts, alfalfa, lentils....I'll scarf them all up. (I'm not eating the Wisteria, though)

And, maybe I'm a super human, but unlike most people, beans don't cause me to become a volcanic stinky-butt. To the best of my knowledge, beans have never made me gassy, and I've always wondered why products like Beano were needed.


But apparently, many people suffer from a tooty booty after eating beans. And you're about to learn why.

Digestion begins when you take a bite of food and begin chewing. Chewing breaks down the food into smaller pieces so when they hit the stomach, the acids and enzymes can break it down easier. From there, this broken down food passes to the small intestine where the proteins, carbohydrates and fats are absorbed into the blood stream.


From there, the remains go to the large intestine where the remaining water is absorbed out of the undigested remains. It also breaks down fiber. Fiber is made up of polysaccharides. The main fiber in beans is called oligosaccharides. Oligosaccharides are basically a polymer of molecules made up of monosaccharides. (sugars)

However, while the body can break down the polysaccharides, humans do not produce the enzyme needed to break down oligosaccharides. (most humans. I apparently do, along with others) These oligosaccharides don't just get passed through the system, though. There are bacterium and microbes in the large intestine that just love to chow on them. And, just like everything, it takes what it wants and discards the rest as waste.


The waste that these tiny creatures create is mostly hydrogen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide. Or, gasses. But these are just volume. They don't smell. The smell comes from different microbes who, when they eat the same sugars, they produce methane. Be thankful that the methane producers are in the minority. Many of us have had to endure someone who produces copious amounts of methane. Multiply that methane by 3, 5 or even 10, and imagine the stench.

Once all the gasses, both offensive and non-offensive build up to a certain pressure, it becomes more than the anal sphincter can hold back. And that's when you produce your poot. Or pfft. Or Pbbllbbltltlbltlblttbbllttlbltltltlbbllt.


I know people who refuse to eat beans because of the gassy effects. Which is too bad. Because the microbes who break down the oligosaccharides don't just produce gasses. They also produce vitamins and antibodies. And some of those antibodies can clear out infections. Just like the gas can clear out the room you're in.

There are ways of preventing the gas, though. I suppose the easiest would be to not eat beans. But, that's not an optimal solution. Beans are good for you. You can take an enzyme called Alpha-Galactosidase that will break down the oligosaccharides. It's the main ingredient in products like Beano. Or, you can soak your dried beans in water for several hours. This allows the beans to begin to ferment. And the yeast produced by the fermenting will eat the oligosaccharides.


There are many other foods that cause the body to create stinky things. Asparagus, Brussels Sprouts, Cabbage, Large Slabs of Beef......Just because beans make you fart is no reason to avoid them. After all, everyone farts. Every single one of us. Hell, even my cats fart. (you do NOT want to be in the room when that happens...)

I guess I'm lucky. Like I said earlier, beans don't make me gassy. But if they do make you gassy, let 'em rip with pride. And if people complain, just tell them you're eating healthy.