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Otters Oddities

Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

Did you know you can buy a PhD online?

You can. I'm not implying anything by making that statement directly under that picture. I'm just sayin...


Most of you know who the gentleman above is. And, most of you know that he makes his living on TV telling people what's wrong with them, and giving them advice on how to make things right.

And, what makes him qualified to dish out advice on TV? Um.....about 12 years higher education, several years in private practice and a friendship with Oprah.


I've watched his show once. Well, not an entire show. Most of one, though. Well, not really. I watched 3 minutes of commercials and when the show came on, I returned to channel surfing. But I did see about 2.176 seconds of his show.

And, It got me thinking. If he can give out advice, I could too.

So today, Otter is going to give you the worst advice you've ever received. Well, not really. I'm going to repeat the advice someone else gave you at some point, and then tell you why it's terrible advice.


1. Money isn't important.

Usually, this advice is given when you complain about monetary issues.

Seriously? On what planet? Money is very important! Without money, you don't pay rent. You don't buy food. You don't have gas for your car. No, the only people who tell you money isn't important are the people who have more money than they know what to do with. They've never had to struggle to make ends meet.


Idiots. Money is very important to survive in todays world.

2. Don't dwell on the past.

This is the advice people give to others when they express regret for some past event.


How do they expect us to learn from our mistakes if we don't think about the past? The failures in our lives, be them educational, emotional, legal, inter-personal, or what ever, are one of the main ways we learn. Dwelling on past events is a good way to figure out what you did wrong, and how to fix it in the future. As long as you don't fixate on the past, you should be ok.

Remember, if you ignore the past, you're only going to make the same mistakes again.


3. Follow your heart.

Should you accept the job on the other side of the country? Should you continue dating that person? Should I quit my job to become a sidewalk chalk artist?


People who say follow your heart actually have no clue as to what you should do. Think about any decisions yo've made in the past that were purely emotional. How did they work out for you? Your heart may tell you that moving across country with that person you've been dating for 6 weeks is a good idea. But, will it seem that way 6 months from now? If you'r heart says you should quit your well paying job to start a scrap-booking service, should you?

Emotions should always be considered. But basing your decisions on them is a great way to build up a healthy store of regret.


4. When it comes to finding a mate, play hard to get.

This advice is given by people who are usually on their 3rd or 4th marriage, or can never seem to date the same person for more than a month.


The theory behind this advice is, by pretending you're unaccessible, you become more desirable.And, while that ploy may work on a few people, to others, they see it as a rejection, so they move on. That's not to say that you should offer yourself up on a platter to every person who approaches you. But, if someone approaches you, they obviously have interest. If you have interest in return, it's best to just move slow, (or fast, whatever floats your boat), than feign disinterest.

Or, ignore that one. After all, I am 44, single and divorced, living alone with 2 cats. So, what do I know, right?


5. Grab the bull by the horns.

This advice is given by people who are encouraging you to get what you want by aggressively pursuing it until you succeed.


Have you ever seen a bull? I mean, up close and in person? Not too many people who have would be willing to grab one by the horns. Bulls are mean. And dangerous. And so is that advice. There may be instances where this advice would work, but in general, it's best to hold back and examine the situation before jumping in and grabbing the horns. This is one of those generic pieces of advice people give to encourage others. And it sometimes is the exact opposite of what you should do.

Besides, bulls poop a lot. And, one slip while following this advice and you'll find your self covered in shit and in for a world of hurt.


6. Trust me.

This is usually advice given by the exact people you shouldn't be trusting.

In some instances, you should trust others. Like, the pilot of the plane you're on. Or the doctor whose about to give you a heart transplant. But most people who utter this advice use the words 'Trust Me' in place of, 'I only care about me, and I don't care about you, and I find it funny when bad things happen to others.'


If a friend says 'Trust Me', and they are smiling when they say it, hit them in the face with a brick.

All right, I'm done. And at this point, you are all probably thinking, 'WTF is up with this post? This isn't an oddity. This is an incoherent rant that makes no sense.'


My response to you is, look at the lead picture. He makes millions of dollars a year while you make tens of thousands. He gives advice, you provide a valuable, tangible service to others. Isn't it odd that that's how our world works? The more useless you are to society as a whole, the more money you earn.

Besides, I'm Otter, and my mere presence is odd enough to make this post qualify as an oddity. (plus, I spent over an hour writing out a post, and then I realized I already covered that subject in a post from last June, and I couldn't come up with any other idea. So, you could say this post is a result of writers block. I expect evisceration in the comments.)

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