Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug! Makes you want to holler 'Hidey-ho!'. Burns the tummy don't you know. Chug-a-lug chug-a-lug.
Most of us have seen pictures of monkeys drinking. Some of us have seen monkeys drink in person.
A lot of people think it's cute. "Hahaha! Look at the monkey drink the beer!".
However, what a lot of people don't realize is, monkeys and humans are almost genetically identical. This is why humans and monkeys share a lot of common traits.
One of those traits is what happens to us when our bodies metabolize alcohol. The only difference between you and that monkey when it comes to drinking is, it takes the monkey less to get drunk.
Scientists have even noticed the Rhesus monkeys exhibit the same drinking habits as humans. When offered alcohol, some Rhesus will only drink if others are drinking. Some will only have a couple. Some will drink until it's gone or they pass out. Some won't have any. Some get meaner the drunker they get. And some just get stupid.
Sounds like humans, doesn't it?
And, also like humans, monkeys will exhibit the signs of a hangover the next morning if they over did it.
Again, also like humans, some monkeys will become alcoholics. These are usually the monkeys who live near tropical resorts. There they can wander among the guests, and when a guest puts their drink down, the monkey will grab it. To make it worse, there are people who think it's funny, and they will intentionally supply the monkeys with booze to get them drunk.
But, like humans, alcohol will destroy a monkey. It will damage their liver over time. They will become addicted to it. And like humans, they will suffer delirious tremens when they go through withdrawal. And, the DT's can be fatal for them as well.
So, don't give a monkey alcohol, ok?
And now, the moment you've all been waiting for.....
During the Ming Dynasty in China, a low level civil servant had a wild idea.
For centuries, the Chinese had been making gunpowder. They used it in fireworks, and not as a weapon. A popular firework was the rocket. This civil servant, Wan Hu, enjoyed watching the rockets take off.
And, it was while watching them that he got his idea. If one rocket can lift it's self, what could two or three rockets lift? Or a hundred?
Well, Wan wasn't crazy. Also, his favorite chair wasn't big enough to hold 100 of them.
What he did was, he attached 47 rockets around the base of his chair, and arranged for 47 of his servants to simultaneously light the rockets.
On the big day, Wan Hu and his servants went to the area where the chair was set up. A small crowd had gathered to watch Wan Hu take off to the stars.
On his signal, all 47 of the servants lit their fuses and ran like hell. Wan, dressed in his finest robes, sat on his chair, anxiously awaiting liftoff.
And, liftoff he did. We think. Actually, no one knows for sure.
What we do know is, when the fuses burned down, the rockets ignited. And there was a big boom. When the smoke cleared, both Wan Hu and his chair were gone.
Neither one was ever seen again. The chair was missed. It was a comfortable chair, after all. Wan Hu was probably missed as well, but not too much. He was just a minor civil servant. And in the Ming Dynasty, civil servants were as numerous as lawyers in America are today.
Did Wan Hu make it to the stars? Yeeeeahh....no. Most likely the 47 rockets going off acted like a bomb and blew Wan Hu to smithereens. If you think about it logically, the rockets he used would go up maybe 500 feet. 1,000 tops. These were fireworks, remember. And that was only because they weren't lifting anything but themselves. You add a chair and a moron to the rockets, and they wouldn't have had the thrust to get him very far.
Unless they just......exploded.
But, I'd be willing to bet Wan Hu never actually existed. The first mention of Wan Hu was in 1909, but instead of 16th century China, he was placed in 2,000 BCE china. Only 3,000 years before gunpowder was invented.
While I don't doubt someone somewhere attached rockets to something and tried to take off, I'd put money on the fact that Wan Hu wasn't that man.
Ok. So there you have the story of Wan Hu. I'd suggest you look up the Mythbusters episode where they tackle this myth. (Originally aired in 2004 and is episode #24)
And with that, rest assured I'll never mention Wan Hu again. Unless he comes up, and then I'll mention him.