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Otters Oddities

New, from Ottermann Light Industries and Harness Design, it's the 'Mr. Creosote Diet'!

Remember yesterdays post? The very end? You know, the part where I said I didn't know what I was going to post about today? You remember, right?


Well, guess what. I have a subject for todays post.


America is getting fat. Really fat. For proof, I only need to look in the mirror. (I'm 6 foot even and 250lbs. Not huge, but not tiny either) I'm working on it though. I have a disadvantage. I take multiple medications for various reasons and 3 of them, the side effect is gaining weight. Not an excuse, but it did take me by surprise, right at first.

And, as anyone who has tried to lose weight, it's a lot easier to put it on than it is to take it off.

We all know the best way to lose weight is diet and exercise.

My problem is, my two favorite foods are carbs and fat. And it's hard to exercise when you have a bad heart. (again, no excuse, but it makes it easier to justify my laziness)


But, like me, most people want to lose the weight, but they don't want to work at it. And, it's been like that through out history.

Below you will find a lost of some of the ways people used to try to loose weight.


The Swamp Diet - In the 18th century, a man named Thomas Short made an observation. He observed that fat people tended to live near swamps. His solution was for fat people to move away from the swamp. And, by staying away from swamps, you could stay thin.

The Vinegar Diet - In the early 19th century, Lord Byron needed to lose weight. So, he came up with his own diet. He would start off his day with a cup of tea with a raw egg in it. Then, throughout the day, he would drink several glasses of vinegar and water. The result of all that vinegar and water was a lot of vomiting and diarrhea. That's a combination that will ensure weight loss. Although it doesn't sound like as much fun as simply moving away from a swamp.


The Fletcher Diet - Horace Fletcher was a business man from San Francisco at the beginning of the 20th century. He lost 40lbs, and decided to share his secrets with the rest of the public. He advocated that you should chew each mouthful of food 32 times, once for each tooth, and then spit out what ever was left. I guess it would help to lose weight if you never swallowed food.

The Cigarette Diet - In the 1920's, advertisements started telling people to stifle the craving for food by lighting up a cigarette. The manufacturers thought that they could sell more smokes if they told people they wouldn't miss the snacks if they just smoked more. I guess people with lung cancer do lose wight...


The Inuit Diet - Again, in the roaring 20's, an arctic explorer who had lived amongst the Inuit returned to New York. And, he was preaching a new diet based on the Inuit diet. It consisted of Caribou, Blubber and raw fish. No fruits and no veggies. To quiet the nay-sayers, he checked himself into a hospital and had doctors monitor him for a month. The result? He was declared healthy. Later, a Dr. Atkins started pushing the same type of diet.

The Soap Diet - This one isn't really a diet, as it doesn't involve eating. In the 1930's, companies started marketing soaps as a way to lose weight. Now, you didn't eat the soap. You washed with it. The hype was, if you washed with the soap, you'd magically lose weight. But, it was just soap. Plain old soap. Score one for the marketers.


The Tapeworm Diet - This diet hearkens back to yesterdays post. In the 1950's, someone came up with the great idea of swallowing a tape worm as a way to lose weight. While doctors around the world were trying to cure people of the parasite, some American women chose to infest themselves. Sadly, the trend has gained steam again recently.

The Sleeping Diet - This was the diet that Elvis preferred, and we all know how that worked, right? In the 1960's, someone noticed that while a person slept, they didn't eat. Ergo, if you spent all your time asleep, you wouldn't eat, and therefore, you wouldn't get fat and would lose weight. Elvis was known to sedate himself heavily so he would sleep for days to keep from eating.


The Prolinn Diet - A doctor in the 1970's, Dr. Richard Linn, started slinging his miracle diet for those desperate to lose weight. It was an easy diet to follow. All you had to do was, eat nothing every day. Seriously. You got to eat nothing. You did, however, get to eat a special drink that Dr. Linn conveniently provided. It was called Prolinn. And, it consisted of all the waste from a slaughterhouse. Horns, hooves, tendons, bones, and even hides. He ground them into a powder and mixed in some enzymes to break them down further and added a little artificial flavoring. Daily intake? 400 calories and zero nutrients. Don't try this diet.

The Breatharian Diet - Here's another diet to avoid. In the 1980's, a group of people claimed that if a person could reach a spiritual harmony with the universe, they wouldn't need to eat or drink anymore. They would take in all they needed from the air they breathed. Surprisingly, no one has reached this harmony yet.


The Blue Diet - A recent fad that started in Japan, it was noticed that people who ate in a blue colored or lighted room tended to eat less. So, someone came up with glasses that have blue lenses. While there may be some psychological reason blue suppresses your appetite, after wearing the glasses for a while, you become used to them, and revert to your normal eating habits.

The Cotton Ball Diet - It's a well known fact that, if you're full, you'll stop eating. That's how this diet works. You eat several cotton balls before a meal. This takes up room in your belly, and you fill up faster on less food. So, more cotton, less food, and the thinner you get. I don't know about you, but I don't feel like pooping out a sweater.


So, if you want to lose some weight, I have provided you with some alternatives.

Although, I am going to recommend, along with my doctor and my cardiologist, that a sensible diet with the right sized portions and a bit of exercise is the way to go when it comes to losing weight.


Although........that Fletcher diet could be fun at the in-laws.....

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