Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Last one out of the Kinjaverse, turn out the lights.
Illustration for article titled Otters Oddities

Brown Chicken Brown Cow.....

Sex. Whoo-doggie, is it awesome!

But, what about when no one wants to play?

Solo can be....well....not quite as much fun.

But, what are you going to do? People have needs. An orgasm is one of those needs. Orgasms are like potato chips: you can't have just one.


So, today, we have all sorts of sex toys for those people who have a hard time finding someone who will do sexy time with them.

There are vibrators of all shapes and sizes. There are silicone and latex lady parts that men can use. (oh yeah Frooch...I'm looking at you.)

And, when all else fails, there's always your best friend, Lefty. Or Righty, whichever way you swing.

But hey, don't be embarrassed. Masturbation is natural. When you can't find a willing partner, you have to do what you have to do, am I right?


Well, rest assured, people have been their own best friends for a long, long time.

For example, did you know the first butt plug was marketed to the public in 1892? However, it wasn't marketed to those who wanted some satisfaction. It was marketed to doctors as a cure for the piles. All 4 1/2 inches of it. Sure you have piles Mr. Jones. I'll write you a prescription right away.


Hoe about the vibrator? Did you know it was first used by doctors as a cure for 'The Vapors'? The vapors was a non-specific ailment that women were apt to get when they didn't get laid often enough. The doctor would use the vibrator to induce an orgasm through clitoral stimulation as a way to cure women.

Penis rings, those magical restrictors that keep the blood in the penis so the man can do his impression of an Energizer battery, have been around since 1200 or so. Even in the dark ages women liked their men to be able to stay up all night....


But, the king of all sex toys has to be the dildo.

The oldest dildos date back to 23,000 BCE. They were made of stone, and were polished to a smoothness not normally seen in other forms of artwork from the era. This has led some paleontologists to believe they weren't for religious or cerimonial purposes, but more likely used for *ahem* recreational purposes. It's not known who used them, either. Could be men, could be women. While a dildo will simulate intercourse for a woman, a dildo used by a man when accompanied by Lefty, will stimulate the prostate making for more, um.....explosive.....endings.


Did I mention the dildos that archeologists have found were what todays users would consider 'large'?

Oh, and some of the first sculptures we have from our ancient ancestors show striking similarities no matter where they are found. All over the prehistoric world, dating back 65,000 years, small figurines have been found. They are carved out of bone, stone and tusk. And they all depict a woman with, well, theres no really polite way to say this, so I'm just going to say it.


All the figurines, no matter where found, are women portrayed with absurdly large breasts, and a vaginal opening that ran from the anus to the belly button.

Some will say it's a religious figurine.

But most think it's an example of the worlds first pornography.

So, when you feel a little lonely, or are just trying to 'relieve stress', rest assured people have been doing the same thing since, well, forever.

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