Whatever dumbass said April was the cruelest month had clearly never lived in a cold climate during February. This month is terrible, starting with Groundhog Day, which is both kind of mean to a groundhog and almost always a bleak reminder that winter is nowhere near over. Then there's Valentine's Day.

The myth that every woman loves Valentine's Day is a lie. I have a very excellent man I've convinced to live with me and give me all sorts of things (engagement ring, concert tickets, hamburgers) and I still have no love for V-Day. It's cheesy as hell. And it's too cold to actually wear something cute.

If you hate February as much as me, I recommend doing something incredibly creepy on Facebook to cheer yourself up.

Or do you LOVE February? Is Whitenoise a symposium of tech-savvy tipplers enamoured with this slushy hellmonth?