Sorry guys if I sound like a Debby Downer with this, but my mom called me today and said, "Your grandmother took a turn for the worse, and it looks like she's going to go within the next 24 hours or so."

She asked me to come by and say goodbye. I have to say goodbye to a woman I loved for the last 36 years of my life. This woman has taught me all sorts of bad nursery rhymes, like "What time is it, Grandma?"

"Half past the monkey's ass, and quarter to his balls!"

Between that and a road trip I took from Portland to San Diego where I heard her call some guy a "Goddamn peckerface!", I realized that my grandmother was 1) someone to speak her mind, and someone I enjoyed being around. And no, she was never senile and crazy (she's only recently become loopy due to morphine and oxycodone that the doctors have prescribed for her).

She also went with me to Comic-Con for many years - I even have this picture of her and my mom dressed up like zombies from 11 years ago. So my grandmother was (before the cancer brought her to where she is) a fun person. Who would have thought an 80 year old woman would be willing to do this?

I will remember her telling me about Pearl Harbor - she was having a birthday party that weekend in Hilo, HI, having grown up on a sugarcane plantation, and they saw the planes flying and heard the sirens from Oahu. Then, when the Japanese came back and bombed Hilo Harbor, she lived through that scare. These are things that I will remember about my grandmother, and all of the things that she taught me. I'm going to miss her, and telling her goodbye is going to be VERY hard for me.

36 years old, and I'm crying at the thought of losing her...but with the stage IV lung cancer ravaging her body, I just want her to have a nice painless end and move on into whatever afterlife she's going to go to.