Beef patty, lettuce, tomatoes, and onions, all stuffed between two fluffy sesame seed buns and slathered in mayonnaise. These are the essential ingredients to a classic American burger. But America is about freedom, and what do we do with that freedom? With that freedom we add a slice of swiss cheese, blue cheese chunks, and a large helping of buffalo sauce.

Now, you might be asking yourself why anybody would do that to a burger. I, however, asked why not. When ordering from Hardee's today, I decided to try the 1/3 lb. variant of this hellish creation.

Advertisement

As with all fast food, it of course was a bit underwhelming in appearance, with the bun sliding lazily off of the burger upon opening the box. This actually turned into one of the largest problems with the burger - it simply refuses to stay together. As both sides of the burger are slathered in buffalo sauce (and one in mayonnaise as well), picking it up in any non-horizontal fashion resulted in the contents starting to slide towards the ground. This quickly became a problem, turning the entire affair into what was essentially a balancing act.

The buildup to the first bite was stressful, to say the least. This certainly isn't a combination of ingredients you see every day, after all. But who knows, it could work! I like buffalo sauce on wings. I like burgers. I could have done without the mayo, but maybe the buffalo sauce will drown out the flavor. Unfortunately, that was not the case.

The first thing you notice is the blue cheese. It's fairly overwhelming, making the rest of the burger seem flavorless in comparison. The hot sauce is hard to taste in comparison, and the swiss just seems unnecessary altogether. The mayonnaise tastes strange when combined with the hot sauce and blue cheese, and helps turn the entire thing into a yellow-orange mess.

Advertisement

The burger became more and more difficult to eat the further I got. For one, the taste of what they call blue cheese "crumbles" (in my case it was more of a thick sauce) gets old pretty quickly. The bun also became much thinner and soggier as I continued eating, thanks to the aforementioned sliding issue. The standard burger ingredients was what I was really trying to taste the entire time, but it's hard to ignore the sauces and cheese used.

Unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately), I only got 2/3 of the way into the burger before picking it up and having the contents fall out of the bun and onto the plate with a distinct plop. It was at this point that I decided enough was enough. This burger is truly not meant for human consumption.