People in glass houses shouldn't be made of stone?
Pompeii. We all know about it. How hundreds died in the pyroclastic flow from Vesuvius in 79AD. How the people were killed instantly by the super-heated gas and then covered by super-heated ash and mud, which disolved the flesh, leaving cavities that perfectly preserved the death of the victims.
Well, that's not why we're here.
You see, before tragedy struck, Pompeii was just a normal sea side town in the Roman empire. What Vesuvius did was, give us a snapshot of Roman life like we had never seen before.
And, what was discovered was: Romans were horny! Brothels everywhere! And, they had elaborate mosaics depicting the services for sale!
But, who cares. Man is a sexual creature, so, people have been doing those things for....well, ever.
No. We're in Pompeii for something else. Something that shows us just how human the Romans of Pompeii were.
Yes, graffiti. You see, on top of everything else, Romans were a bunch of juvenile delinquents.
Below you will find actual examples of graffiti found etched into the stones of Pompeii.
- Weep, you girls. My penis has given you up. Now it penetrates men’s behinds. Goodbye, wondrous femininity!
- Restitutus says: “Restituta, take off your tunic, please, and show us your hairy privates”.
- Lovers are like bees in that they live a honeyed life
- I screwed the barmaid
- Floronius, privileged soldier of the 7th legion, was here. The women did not know of his presence. Only six women came to know, too few for such a stallion.
- On April 19th, I made bread
- To the one defecating here. Beware of the curse. If you look down on this curse, may you have an angry Jupiter for an enemy.
- Theophilus, don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog
- Whoever loves, let him flourish. Let him perish who knows not love. Let him perish twice over whoever forbids love.
- Publius Comicius Restitutus stood right here with his brother
- I have buggered men
- On April 20th, I gave a cloak to be washed. On May 7th, a headband. On May 8th, two tunics
- It took 640 paces to walk back and forth between here and there ten times
- Atimetus got me pregnant
- Secundus likes to screw boys.
- Gaius Valerius Venustus, soldier of the 1st praetorian cohort, in the century of Rufus, screwer of women
- A copper pot went missing from my shop. Anyone who returns it to me will be given 65 bronze coins. 20 more will be given for information leading to the capture of the thief.
- A small problem gets larger if you ignore it.
- Chie, I hope your hemorrhoids rub together so much that they hurt worse than when they every have before!
- Take hold of your servant girl whenever you want to; it’s your right
- The one who buggers a fire burns his penis
- We have wet the bed, host. I confess we have done wrong. If you want to know why, there was no chamber pot
- Secundus defecated here (written three times on the same wall.)
- Apelles the chamberlain with Dexter, a slave of Caesar, ate here most agreeably and had a screw at the same time.
- Anyone who wants to defecate in this place is advised to move along. If you act contrary to this warning, you will have to pay a penalty. Children must pay (number is missing) silver coins. Slaves will be beaten on their behinds.
So, next time you feel like scratching out a message on stone, remember, your words may be read centuries in the future. You may want to think twice about commenting on the quality of the pooping.