Why so sour, sweetie?

I can see the look on your face. (no really, I control your web cam) "Another post about food? Why? Why must you make me not want to eat lunch?"

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Rest assured friends, this post isn't about eating. In fact, this post is about sexy time! But there was no way I was using raccoon lady. (you're welcome)

Ever since the dawn of time, males and females have been producing offspring. In the early days, it was boring. The female laid eggs and left, leaving the male to fertilize them. To this day some species still do things that way. However, when creatures moved onto land, they couldn't do that. The eggs wouldn't survive. So the eggs evolved a hard shell.

Problem.

I don't care how virile you are, you aren't fertilizing an egg in a hard shell. It's thought that the first eggs laid on land had a semi-solid shell that took a short amount of time before hardening, allowing the male to get the job done.

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But, (and this has to be the best invention in the world), at some point, some species realized they could fertilize the egg before the female laid it. (insert obligatory 'the chicken got laid before the egg did' joke here)

Now, if this hasn't sunk in yet, what our unknown couple had invented was.....SEX.

Well, sex was a good thing. It still is. Except for one tiny detail. Sex leads to babies. It always has. And, for as long as sex has been causing babies, couples have been trying to prevent it from happening.

This brings me to the lemon. Thousands of years ago, women would soak a sponge in lemon juice, and then insert it into their nether yeh-yah. The sponge acted as a physical block to the sperm, and the lemon juice had such a high acidity, it was a fairly effective spermacide. The Jewish Talmud mentions this as the preferred method of birth control.

Others inserted the rind of half a lemon to act as a primitive diaphragm. And, a douche of lemon/lime juices was sometimes used post coitus. This last method probably wasn't as effective. Sperm can be fast little bastards.

So, if you're ever about to get busy, but find yourself lacking protection, well....the old saying is, "when life hands you lemons, make brown chicken brown cow".

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While lemons, and other plants like Pennyroyal, Dong Quai, Papaya, or even Cotton, can be used as all natural contraceptives, none of them take the cake for the oddest birth control.

That would go to ancient China. Women were advised that drinking a nice hot cup of Mercury was an effective form of birth control. Medical experts almost unanimously agree. Drinking mercury, hot or cold, is almost guaranteed to cause a miscarriage. Amongst other things.

So, next time you start complaining about the hassles of a Trojan, or how much it sucks to remember to take a pill every morning, just remember........you could use a lemon.