Money money money muuuuh-naay! MO-NAY!

Money is good. I think we can all agree with that. Well, wait a minute. Money it’s self is a pain in the ass. Having money is good. Needing money? Not so much. And everyone, at some point in their life, needs money. Like right now, do I spend $50 to fix my water heater or spend $500 to buy a new one? See? I need money.

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Well, I have money. But I didn’t want to spend it on a water heater. So I think I’ll just fix the old one. The problem is my water. It’s hard. Very hard. (minds out of gutters, I’m talking water, not wiener). See, my water is so hard it crusts up the heating elements. I had to replace them about a year ago. Now I have to replace them again. I don’t want to get a new water heater until I get a water softener to put on it. So, fix instead of replace for now.

But that has absolutely nothing to do with todays oddity. Neither does the fact that I have a ton of soldering to do. And I’d rather be soldering because that’s fun and this is writing. Not that this isn’t fun. But it would be neat if voice recognition software actually worked. Then I could dictate the post while soldering. But, if I did that, you end up with things like:

But that has ab’s oh lute lie north wing two dew with two days post.

And that’s just unacceptable. So I’m typing, and I’ll solder tomorrow. Anyway, let’s get on with today’s post. Kibbley2beamer has to work today and she shouldn’t be wasting so much time on this post.

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Who here has ever heard of Rome? Not Jim Rome. (hate that guy....). But Rome. As in Roman Rome. In Italy. It’s an old town. And it has a history that not many cities can brag about. because Rome wasn’t just a city. It was an empire. In fact, the empire was still called the Roman Empire even after Rome was no longer a part of it.

According to legend, Rome started as a small settlement of just 2. Those two were the brothers Romulus and Remus. These brothers were conceived of a mortal mother, a princess, and the god Mars. Upon their birth, the twins were abandoned in a basket and set adrift on the river Tiber. (hmm....sounds familiar...). They were saved by a she-wolf who suckled them and a woodpecker who fed them. As toddlers they were found and taken in by a shepherd and his wife and they were raised as shepherds.

When they got older the came to a site and decided they wanted to start a town. They fought and Romulus killed Remus. So, Romulus named the settlement ‘Rome’. Because people tend to name towns after themselves. (just think if the fight had gone the other way....it would be called ‘Reme’).

As time went on, Rome grew. The people who lived there saw themselves as special because Romulus was, after all, the son of Mars. They felt this made them special, and exalted them above all the other towns in the region.

Over time the town became a city. And the city decided they needed people to do the work in the fields for them. After all, the descendants of Mars shouldn’t have to toil as laborers and farmers. So they formed an army and began taking over neighboring towns. Prisoners became slaves, and did the work the Romans felt was below them.

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This became a repeating cycle. The Roman army conquered more cities and towns, gained more land, and acquired more slaves. (the losers of battles became slaves. That was the way it worked back then. I didn’t make the rules, I just tell you about them).

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Eventually, the Romans controlled Italy. And a short guy with short-guy syndrome set his sights on Gaul. (that would be France to you plebes). After Gaul, shorty moved on to Britannia. His forces were stopped at the border of Caledonia by the Celts, so he went home and adjusted his plans. (that’s Scotland to you plebes)

The adjustment to his plans that shorty made turned his army internally. Up to this point he was just a general in the Roman Army. He took his orders from the government. After his adventures in England he decided he was tire of conquering for others. It was time to conquer for himself. So shorty, I mean Julius Caesar, took his army to Rome and took control of the government and proclaimed himself dictator. (Ok.....I simplified that considerably. But it would take too long to tell how it actually happened so, go read a book if you want to know. I’m simplifying for post length).

Blah blah.....no one likes dictators......beware the ides of March.....et tu Brute?

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Long story short, the government decided they weren’t too happy with Shorty Julius and so they murdered him. Stabbed him full of holes and made all his blood fall out.

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Well, Julius had a nephew named Gaius Octavius, and he liked his uncle Julie. So he decided to hunt down the murderers and teach them a lesson. And the lesson he taught resulted in a civil war. Long story short, (again), Octavius won. (Antony and Cleopatra were casualties of this war) ((Yes, it was ANTONY, not Anthony.))

Once Octavius had won, he realized he was in charge of Rome all by himself. So he changed his name to Caesar Augustus. And Caesar later became a title instead of a name. In the interim Augustus took the title Emperor. (again, I know I am skipping a lot of the details. We just don’t have the time for even a complete but brief history of Rome. It’s just so....complicated!). The point is, Caesar Augustus became the first emperor of Rome.

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As time went on, Rome didn’t stop sending out her troops. Emperors needed to conquer more land so they could afford to pay the bills. Eventually the empire got too large to be effectively ruled from Rome. So in 285 C.E. empire was split in half by the emperor, with Rome being the capital of the Western Roman Empire and Byzantium the capital of the Eastern Roman Empire. Rome was split into two, and they, for the most part, became two separate empires.

Nothing more shall be said of the Eastern Roman empire because they didn’t have Rome, so they don’t count.

Rome, the Western Roman empire that is, was getting old. Those darn Goths and Vandals kept sacking Roman territory. Finally, in 476 a man by the name of Flavius Odoacer decided the empire had outlived it’s usefulness. So he deposed the emperor and declared himself King of Italy. This marks a very important time in history. For it is that day in 476 C.E. that marks the end of the Western Roman Empire, the Fall of the Ancient Roman Empire, and the beginning of the Middle Ages in Europe. So, you know, a fairly important date.

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Yep, the empire that was put into motion by the naming of a town by Romulus, and first ruled as an empire by Augustus, saw it’s last emperor in 476 C.E.

And the name of that last emperor? Romulus Augustus.

Yes.....I know.....But I’ve typed a lot already. I don’t really want to get into how the Eastern Roman empire lasted until the fall of Constantinople in 1453, or how the Holy Roman Empire was continued by the kings of Europe until 1806.

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But I would encourage you all to read up on the history of Rome. It’s really interesting. Convoluted and confusing, sure, but interesting. Or, just Netflix a documentary and see if it interests you. Then, once you get the Romans figured out, you can move on to the really confusing civilization, the ancient Greeks. Or the people of Mesopotamia. No....the Greeks are more confusing.

I’m gonna go smear some peanut butter on a banana and call it my bedtime snack. Because it’s 7:15 and I’m gonna go to bed. Well, after I eat the banana. If I tried to eat that thing in bed, I’d drop it and get peanut butter all over my sheets. And that wouldn’t be cool. Now, go to work slug-abouts!