Teenage Mutant Ninja Oysters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Oysters, Teenage Mutant Ninja Oysters, Hero’s in half shell, BOOGER POWER!

That’s right. I said booger.Because that’s what an oyster is. The oceans booger. And if you eat them, you’re eating boogers. Slimy, gross boogers.

Just because they come in a shell doesn’t mean a thing.

If you can’t tell, I’m not a fan of oysters. I’ve tried them. Both cooked and raw. Cooked they were just nasty. Raw? It’s exactly what I imagine a booger would be like.

Advertisement

I know I’m in the minority here. A lot of people love oysters. You’re all crazy. There are people who drink pee too. Doesn’t mean it’s good.

But I’m not here to tell you all how much I dislike oysters. I’m here because the judge ordered me to do...I mean, I’m here because it’s Tell The Truth Tuesday! I’m about to smack down the truth about yesterdays post.

And the truth is.....True!

Custer was commissioned a 2nd lieutenant in the US Army before the civil war. When the fighting broke out, he did his job. And he did it well. He was eventually made a captain in the regular army.

Advertisement

Notice I said ‘Regular Army’. The regular army was the US Army. When the civil war broke out, men were enlisted to fight in the volunteer army. This was different than the regular army as the volunteers were not real soldiers. The regular army was made up of men who were professional soldiers. It was the job they would do for their entire lives. And most of them were graduates of West Point.

As the war went on, the original volunteers enlistments ended. Most had signed up to serve anywhere from 3 months to 1 year. When their enlistment ran out, they went home. A lot of the original volunteers served with officers who came with them, and then went home with them. The qualifications for those officers? They were generally a local politician or businessman who convinced the governor of their state to put them in charge.

As the volunteers left, they were replaced by men who were drafted. And they needed officers to lead them. So officers from the regular army were transferred to the volunteer army, (even though they stopped being volunteers a long time ago), and put in charge. In the case of officers like Custer, they were sometimes put into a job that required a rank above what they officially were. Custer was put in charge of a brigade, but he was a captain. That’s the rank of a company commander.

So men like Custer were promoted to the appropriate rank as a Brevet. This means they were entitled to wear the rank insignia, and were afforded the same courtesies and held the same authority as the rank they were made. As far as the volunteer army was concerned, Custer eventually held the rank of Brevet Major General.

But as far as the regular army was concerned, his rank was only temporary, and as soon as the war was over, he reverted back to his old rank of captain.

By the tim ehe was killed at Little Big Horn, he had been promoted to Lieutenant Colonel. But he never held the actual rank of general, even though he is always referred to as General Custer.

Advertisement

So, there was no official General Custer. It was Lieutenant Colonel Custer who died at Little Big Horn.

Kudos to those who got it right without using their Google-Fu.....

Today I want to tell you about an oyster. The Mangrove Oyster, to be exact.

Down in the Caribbean islands, mangrove trees grow at the edge of the water. And, if you look closely, you can see all the mangrove oysters clinging to the trees. But wait.....You can see the oysters?

Advertisement

These oysters aren’t playing by the rules! They aren’t under the water! There they are, plain as day, on the roots and trunks of the mangrove trees! Oh holy crap, do you know what this means? It’s obvious that these oysters are climbing the trees!

Except, they aren’t. Or are they? Many people will tell you that the oysters are, in fact, climbing the trees. And when you see them, it seems like the obvious answer. Except, oysters don’t have these things called arms or legs. So how do they climb?

They don’t.

What happens is, at high tide, the oysters swim up to the tree and attack themselves so they can feed. Then, the tide goes out. The oysters who attached up high are exposed. And people at first thought it was because they were climbing out of the water.

Advertisement

Now the natives just tell gullible tourists that the oysters can climb. But they really don’t.

So if someone offers you a plate of climbing oysters, tell them you’ll eat them, but only if they will try the delicious Prairie Squid. It’s a rare symbiote that requires the presence of a Jackalope to survive out of the water.