Oooohhh......someone call sponsor.....me need help.......wagon so hard to stay on.

If that opening offends anyone, deal with it. It’s not my intent to offend, but it does sometimes happen. And yes, I can see how this would have the potential to offend someone who has an issue with substances, or know someone who does. But c’mon. It’s Sid. And honestly, the way I process things in my brain, if I don’t laugh at hardship and adversity, it’ll consume me and I’ll be a worthless pile of anxiety. Because that’s how my brain works.

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What....you didn’t actually think I was a normal person, did you? I mean, you do read my posts, right? You don’t just skim them for the pictures? It’s a special kind of short bus that I ride on.

Yeah, that was a strange little rant to go off on. But I just cooked up a big batch of spicy Chinese chicken and rice. Some would call it General Tso, but I don’t. Because I don’t follow a recipe. I add stuff to the sauce to make it thick and spicy. Is it similar? Yeah. General Tso was my inspiration. But I don’t think it’s identical. And so, I just call it my ‘Pan Of Spicy Chinese People Nuggets’.

Yeah. I call them ‘people nuggets’. Even though it’s just cut up and battered chicken thighs. If I call them ‘people chunks’, then I don’t have to share with anyone. More for me! WOO-HOO! Ok...yeah, I would share. I might not be happy about it, but I would. And that’s how I explain that mini rant with my food I cooked. This chicken is one of my favorite things that I cook. It is really yummy. And I had a plate of it in front of me while I was typing that rant. (I’m done now. And I’m really trying hard to not go grab ‘just a couple more bites’). My brain was all occupied with ‘MmmmmMMMMmmmmmMMMMmMmmMMMMMmm....dis so nummilicious! Me needs to eats it all ups! No kitteh! My food kittehs!’ And so, I let my brain wander, and that’s where it went. Ah well. I’m done now, and by brain has returned to it’s normal, (for me), operation.

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Anyway, today is one of my favorite days, because it’s Totally Trippy Theory Thursday! This is the day I tell you theories that actual people actually believe.

And today is special. I have not one theory, but TWO! ZOMG WHAT DID WE DO TO DESERVE THIS BONUS??!!!?!?!?!!!??!?!!!!?!

Nothing. I just found these and decided that I would throw two your way today instead of one. (I’m UNPREDICTABLE!). They are both recent theories, and in fact, some of you might have heard about this first one before.

How many of you have fallen under the influence of Satan? What? No hands in the air? Really? Well, I guess that no one has ever had a Monster Energy Drink then. Because, Monster is the drink of the devil, you know. It’s right there on the can. And I’m not talking about their motto ‘Unleash The Beast’, either.

Take a look at their logo. I’m sure most of you can picture it in your heads, a stylized M made to look like it was made by a monster clawing at you. Well, look at this:

Each individual scratch looks like the Hebrew number for 6. And there’s three of them. In a row.

Do you get it now? Three sixes, in a row, right after each other?

Do I need to spell it out for you?

I will anyway.

That logo is hebrew for 666. And the can tells you to “Unleash The Beast!”.

What more proof do you need that Monster Energy Drink is a product of Satan? And if you drink it, you’re drinking the devils juice. And that makes you his minion. Don’t be a minion.

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Ok....now you know why I used a picture of Cookie Monster showing an obvious lack of Energy after Drinking. Yeah...sometimes I’m such a nerd I want to beat myself up....

Anyway, this next one is fantastic.

It involves Danny DeVito and One Direction.

In the video for ‘Steal My Girl’, which is apparently a song by a bunch of English or Irish man-boys who make 11 year old girls and 50 year old divorces go nuts, Danny DeVito stars and shows us how the Illuminati plan to destroy the Catholic Church.

Uh huh. You read that right.

And it must be true, because it comes right from the body-and-blood hole* of the Third Eagle Of The Apocalypse and Co-Prophet of the End Times. You can watch the video of it here, but it’s about 12 minutes long. And it’s....um....yeah.

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If you don’t think you can handle 12 minutes of even-crazier-than-Otter, I’ll sum up his ‘evidence’ here:

  • Danny DeVito refers to the ‘Tribe of Dan’ which is the tribe the antichrist comes from.
  • The people carrying the Salvador Dali couch that looks like Mae West’s lips represents the second horse of the apocalypse, the ‘Red Horse Of War’.
  • If you’ll look at the license plate of the car DeVito drives up in, you’ll see that there are three 6’s. You know, the mark of the beast.
  • The woman who gives DeVito the apple represents the false prophet giving the antichrist the Eucharist.
  • DeVito gives the band new names which obviously represents the Illuminati taking over the Catholic Church.
  • All the balls that spell out the word ‘inhibition’ represent the beheadings the antichrist is going to give to all the christians at the end of times.
  • The sumo wrestlers are also a representation of the false prophet and antichrist because of yellow paint, the pope and reasons.
  • The African dancers represent the pagans taking over the church.
  • The two women who show up turn the five members of One Direction into a seven headed beast.
  • ‘Steal My Girl’ actually means ‘Steal My Bride’, and the Catholic Church is the bride of Christ.
  • DeVito and the antichrist are both short.

There’s more, but I can’t spoil everything. If you can stand it, you really should watch the video. I mean, the way he points at stuff is really convincing. And he is the Third Eagle of the Apocalypse. (he has some great videos on the Denver airport too.)

Anyway, That’s about enough crazy for today. Be back tomorrow with dead stuff.

*I’m talking about his mouth. The ‘blood and body’ refers to the eucharist where you take a bit of bread and a sip of wine to symbolically become a cannibal by eating the body and drinking the blood of Christ. Well....symbolically unless you’re a Catholic. They believe in transubstantiation. That mean the bread and wine don’t symbolize the body and blood, they actually become the body and blood.