Ok, this is mildly NSFW, but only if you read it, so I’m going with it anyway. Why do they call it ‘blowing’ when they are actually sucking?

Ok, that’s as NSWF as I’m going to get. But seriously, I do know the answer, so no need to tell me how in medieval England a prostitute was known as a ‘Blowzy’, hence the term *ahem* Job. Even though those English prostitutes didn’t invent them. They have been around for a long time.

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In ancient Roman brothels, like the ones in Pompeii for example, the services offered were displayed with mosaics on the walls. And yes, fellatio was advertised. It’s supposed that the act dates back to our earliest ancestors due to the fact that chimpanzees also partake in the act.

But we’re not here to discuss gratifatory acts. We’re here to talk about what day it is. And it’s Made Up Monday. I’m going to spin you a tale and you get to decide if I’m telling the truth or if I’m fibbing.

And today we’re going to discuss wind. Wind was first invented in Mesopotamia by Fred the Wind-Bag. Ok...you got me. I’m kidding. No one invented wind. It’s the natural reaction of the atmosphere trying to equalize the pressures between high and low. The greater the difference in pressures, the greater the strength of the wind.

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And what is the wind made up of? It’s made from the atmosphere. And it weighs a hell of a lot. People don’t think air weighs anything because we tend to move through it with relative ease. But in fact, there is considerable mass associated with air. Enough to blow down a building if it get’s moving fast enough.

Long ago man realized they could use wind to their advantage. It probably started when someone wove a reed mat to sleep on. When they tried to move it, the wind caught it and the force moved them. That person had an ‘Ah-ha’ moment and fastened the mat to a pole and put that pole in their dug-out. They were the first to use the wind to power a water craft. And without it, fishing, trade, exploration, none of it would have been as great as it was.

We know that by 5,000 BCE the Egyptians were using sails on a regular basis. But, that’s only the first recorded use we have. The use was so common in Egypt that it’s a virtual certainty that earlier civilizations used them as well. Polynesians did get to the remote islands in the Pacific, after all. And that’s a heck of a long way to row. So sails must have been used. They were just rude and didn’t tell us about them.

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When it comes to using wind for other uses though, the first records we really have are of the Chinese and Persians using windmills to pump water and grind grain into flour in about 200 BCE.

At least, that’s what your history teachers want you to believe.

Neanderthals were a bipedal humanoid with distant relationships with humans. We didn’t evolve from them. We did share an ancestor at some point, but their evolutionary trail diverged from ours millions of years ago. That’s not to say we weren’t compatible. Humans and Neanderthals lived together for 200,000 years. And there is definite evidence that neanderthals and Homo erectus cross-bred. About 3% of human DNA is actually neanderthal DNA. That’s just an average, though. Some current humans have more, and some have less. Depends on what region your ancestors came from.

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People look at neanderthal as the prototypical cave man. Slow, stupid, and destined for failure. However, their brains were larger than ours. And they were much stronger than we are. They were smart enough to capture fire and make a tool set. Early humans used the neanderthal tools because they were so good. And neanderthals survived for much longer than modern humans have been around. And they did it in conditions that would kill most of us.

They lived through ice ages that would make the worst winter you’ve ever seen look like a summer day. And not only did they survive, they thrived. And they migrated. The weather didn’t bother them. We actually owe a lot to them.

One of the things we owe to them is wind power.

Remember how I said it was the Chinese and Persians who first used wind to pump water and grind grain? That’s one of those lies humans try to propagate because we’re arrogant.

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Neanderthal settlements have been found dating back 150,000 years ago, that would be 148,000 BCE, that show neanderthals were harnessing the wind to do their pumping and grinding. But that information was suppressed. But why? Why would they suppress that?

Because in the early 19th century when neanderthals and their settlements were being discovered and studied, the scientists couldn’t accept the fact that non-humans were smart enough to develop technologies thought to be human innovations. So they suppressed their own discoveries.

And when the evidence showed up that the Persians and Chinese were using windmills in 200BCE, they decided that they would say they were the inventors, even though they knew it wasn’t true.

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So minions, true or false? Did neanderthals invent a crude windmill 148,000 years before humans, or am I lying to you?