Um...Yeah....There might be some prawn pictures on my computer....

But nothing....bad. I mean, no prawn on langoustine on shrimp on crayfish or anything like that.

Unless you want to trade...Imean...uh...I might know of a place where I might be able to find some. I think. Maybe.

Ok, let's get something clear here; prawns and shrimp are not the same thing. I know to a lot of people they interchange the two terms, but they are not the same. Similar, but different.

While both are decapods, (they have 10 legs), and they even taste similar, prawns are usually bigger, have claws on three sets of legs and have branching gills. Shrimp are usually smaller, have only two pair of claws and have lamellar gills.

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Langoustine aren't either. Many people think they are prawns, but they are actually lobsters. Crayfish look like small lobsters, but aren't. However, they are related to them.

The one thing all four of them have in common though, is that they are all delicious. Unless you insist on sucking the heads. Before you say anything, yes. I have tried it. I've done the twist-pinch-suck on a crayfish. (Crawfish, Crawdad, Mudbug...) I'm sorry, but guts and brain juice isn't my opinion of tasty. I don't eat the tamale from a lobster either. Offal is not my cup of tea.

Let's see...what day is it today....Monday, divided by the square root of Tuesday makes this.....four, carry the morning, times November....Oh yeah. It's Wednesday. Just a plain old oddity for today. What should I write about?

How about prawn? I mean....pr0n....or, as you normal people would say, porn.

Before you all run away screaming in terror, don't worry. This is a Safe For Work post. I won't be showing you any porn. I won't even be discussing any of the various forms of porn.

Today, I am going to tell you about the first porn.

*Disclaimer*

This is the first porn we know about. There could be older forms, but if any have survived, we haven't found it yet.

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The porn we have today isn't like the porn of old. Today, it seems like nothing is taboo. In Victorian times, it may have been some simple nudity. In the middle ages, it was tittilating literature like The Canterbury Tales. Compare to today, Ye Olde Porne would be Tuesday night TV.

But the oldest porn, well....that's something different. People used to be nomadic, and as such, their porn had to be portable. That ruled out cave paintings. Kind of hard to pick up a cave and take it with you.

So ancient men used the skills they had to make portable porn. And what did they know how to do? Well, they could hunt. And eat. And sleep. Oh, they also shaped rocks into tools. So that's what they used to make their porn; rocks.

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They would carve stone into female figurines with, how shall we say, extremely exagerated naughty bits. And I'm not talking about large breasts. (although they did have those). The hips were made to be larger than life, and the hoo-ha was made....unrealistically large.

There were reasons, of course. Large hips made it more likely the female would survive the birthing process, so large hips were sexy. And the large breasts were because that's how the babies were fed. Bigger breasts represented more food. And the large hoo-ha was because....well...an actual size hoo-ha would have been very hard to distinguish, as well as carve.

When these figurines were first found, they were thought to be fertility symbols. Except, figurines of this type were found wherever early man was found. And, they were found buried with men. Why would men need a fertility symbol?

The oldest example of one of these figurines dates back to 33,000 B.C.E.

Now like I said earlier, there may be older examples out there we haven't found. And it's almost certain that men have had forms of porn for about as long as there have been men.

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Now, I hope you all noticed I exhibited a great deal of restrain and didn't even once try to work in a reference to 'getting your rocks off'.