The little hand is on the two, the big hand is pointing at you! Now, what time is that? My clock glows in the dark. What does yours do?

Do you really want to hear about the canisters on my kitchen counter, too? It's flat, you know. My counter, I mean.

I just have to add, Jesus loves my yes I know....I mean it!

If you haven't experienced it, you should. At least once. Although, I'm sure there's one or two of you who recognize it.

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Don't be jealous, but I saw them on the tour supporting this album, and they opened with this one.

Good times....good times....

Anyone want to hear a joke?

Me too. It's been a while since I've heard a good joke. I think you guys should tell me jokes in the comments sometimes. I mean, you can't leave me a plate of milk and cookies that I can actually use, (stop it smart-asses....I don't need your pictures...), so I think a joke would be nice.

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FYI: knock knock jokes are not jokes. They are puns camouflaged to appear like jokes, and in 143 countries, are punishable by death metal.

Let's see....Opening lines....picture....mindless rambling........Looks like I'm about done here.

Except....

It's Totally Trippy Theory Thursday! I can't post this without including a conspiracy theory that is totally not made up by me, and that real live people actually believe.

I had a comment in a post a few days back where I messed with the format for telling the time and day. I said it was the 200th century. I was called out on it by a couple of people, and I calmly explained that I didn't use the Julian calendar like everyone else, I used the Cthulhuian calendar.

Well, I was disappointed that no one caught the fact that western civilizations changed from the Julian calendar to the Georgian calendar back in 1582. I am a little sad no one caught it. But it also makes me happy. It means I still have a lot of work to do edjimikating you people.

Using the Georgian calendar, I'm sure you're all absolutely positive that this is the year 2014. Am I right? I'm right. I know I am.

Too bad all of you are wrong.

It's actually 1716.

Oh yes, it really is. Allow me to explain.

There was a German historian named Heribert Illing who was absolutely, 100%, not into tinfoil chapeaus. He also wasn't a total whack-a-doodle. And sarcasm isn't a real word.

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Heribert did what historians do; he read a lot of history. One day in 1949, on a day when I guarantee there were no drugs or alcohol involved, he noticed something. He was doing a study of the ancient calendar Julius Caesar invented, (the Julian calendar), and noticed that it didn't have the same number of days that the Georgian calendar had.

The Julian calendar was off by 1 day for each century! Oh the humanity!

He also did some checking into the transition to the Georgian calendar. By Illings calculations, there should have been a discrepancy of 13 days when the switch took place.

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But, Pope Gregorys astronomers only adjusted the calendar by 10 days when the switch was made!

That means, 7...minus 9....squared rooted by 12.....carry the 1....OMG! The calendar was off by 3 centuries! (298 years, to be exact)

Illing started to do some in depth investigating. What he found was, the years 614 to 911 were faked! They never happened! History that dates from that time? It's all made up!

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Illing speculated that Pope Sylvester, Holy Roman Emperor Otto, and Byzantine Emperor Constantine VII conspired to change the current year they were in to the year 1000. To do this, they had to advance the calendar 298 years.

As a result, they had to come up with history to fill the void. People like Charlemagne were made up. The dark ages? Never happened.

Like all these wacky theories, there isn't really a good reason behind why 3 centuries were faked. All you need to know is, three centuries were added to the calendar for some reason!

As usual, this is a theory that real people, (but not me), believe.

I had a small inner debate about this theory. Not about if I should post it or not. But rather, if I should post it this week or next. Obviously, I decided on this week. I was originally going to tell you about another death that wasn't what it seemed to be, but since I had the JFK one last week, I decided to wait until next wee to tell you the truth about.....someones death.

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