I like big butts and I can not lie....
It was a toss up between that and Moon River.
Sir Mix-A-Lot won. He always does. And why does he always win? Well, to be blunt about it, because he get's sprung!
Oh gawd....sometimes my jokes are so terrible they aren;t even jokes anymore. They morph into, like, a festering pile of leftover food that has been passed through the alimentary canal without being digested.
And I'm not even sorry.
I can't be sorry. I can't afford it. Being sorry costs money. Because when you're sorry, you imply you're guilty of whatever infraction someone thinks you've dome. And then, you have to make up for it. And that's what costs. I know. I was married once. That's why, but the end of my marriage, I was no longer sorry for anything I did. If I made my ex mad, the conversation would go like this:
"Did you leave the toilet seat up?"
"Don't fall in."
I just didn't care anymore. I was all sorried out. It should be noted, I'm not the type of guy to leave the toilet seat up intentionally. I'm more of the 'spreading-vaseline-on-the-seat-at-night' type of guy. Um....not that I...uh....ever did that...or anything...
I'm actually a very easy going guy who tries to avoid conflict of any type, and I will do whatever to appease someone. To a point. My ex-wife hit that point about 12 months into our marriage. But that's a long, boring story, and I won't torture any of you with it.
I can't. Especially not today. After all, it is Totally Trippy Theory Thursday! Today is the day I tell you about an actual conspiracy theory that actual people actually believe.
And do I have a doozy for you today. There's really not much to it. It's fairly straight forward, but....wow. Insane-crazy-coo-coo-bananas doesn't even come close to describing todays theory.
Are you all ready for this? (no...you aren't)
This is a theory about something that doesn't exist. Supposedly. Except, it does. Sometimes.
And it's something all of you take for granted. You all see it almost every day, and you most likely pay no attention to it at all.
I'm talking about, the moon.
There is a very well known theory out there that the whole moon landing was faked. It was filmed on a sound stage in Hollywood.
That's a crazy theory that is 100% not true. It can't be. Because....the moon? It's doesn't exist. It's a hologram.
Yup. You read that right. The moon is a hologram. And there's video proof!
But here's the kicker.....the moon is only a hologram when it's full!
When it's waxing and waning, what you see in the sky is the actual moon. But when the moon is full, someone is projecting a hologram over the moon to hide something.
And you know it has to be true. Because the guy who made the video studied the moon for a full year!
I wish I could report that it was just one lone theorist who believes this. But I can't. There are a surprising amount of people who have taken this theory and accepted it.
The troll in me desperately want's to start coming up with theories like these just to see who I can get to believe them. But then everyone would say I was just trying to duplicate the work of L. Ron Hubbard.