I don't know fellas....Soft, creamy and spreadable doesn't sound like something I should be. My folks would be awful mad if I was.....

Hmm. That's kind of creepy. Aw hell, I don't care. It's early Monday morning, and a little creepiness in your coffee is ok. It keeps you alert.

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Besides, Butters is a fitting picture to start with considering todays subject is....Butter!

You may be wondering Why I chose butter for my Monday post, considering Mondays are Made Up Mondays! Everybody knows about butter! How in the world do you expect to tell a story about butter that we can't tell if it's true or not?

Well, I always did like a challenge. So read on and figure out if I'm truthing or falseing.

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Butter. Today we buy it in sticks wrapped in wax paper. It starts out hard, but eventually gets soft and creamy. (Must....resist...urge...for...innuendo....) If you get your butter in a tub, chances are, it's not really butter. I'm not saying you can't get butter in a tub, I'm just saying a tub isn't the best vessel for butter. So most creameries don't do it.

That gunk in a tub? It's margarine. And what is margarine? Hydrogenated vegetable oil. That mean, oil that has enough water added so when you whip it up, it remains solid at room temperature. There is some debate about margarine and if it's better or worse than real butter. Me? I'm a butter eater, except for sandwiches. Sandwiches get margarine because I can never remember to leave the butter out so it's spreadable on my bread. And tearing the bread for your lunch isn't cool. Not cool at all.

But, back to the butter. The only question I have for myself is, do I lie or not. You be the judge and decide if I did or didn't.

In the beginning, butter was not like the butter we have now. It couldn't be. They didn't have refrigeration way back then. But that was ok. Butter wasn't a food.

The Romans used it as a base for their medicine. It was the primary ingredient in their salves and tinctures. Gladiators were known to oil up with butter before a fight. In fact, the people who are thought to have invented butter, the nomadic Berbers of North Africa are said to have used straight up butter as a cure for stomach ailments.

That's not to say no one ever cooked with it. However, butter didn't begin to be used primarily for cooking until sometime around the late 15th to early 16th century. That was when the method for making it was improved, and better storage was used. Before then, butter turned rancid too quickly to be very palatable.

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It was the English who really started cooking with butter. They discovered it made an excellent base for sauces, which by coincidence, the king really liked. So butter moved from medicine to food. All thanks to a fat king.

Alright, you may think this is an easy one. But it's not. As you should all know by now, sometimes truth really is stranger than fiction. And, is the proceeding truth or fiction? I'll never tell! Well...never meaning tomorrow.