Back in my day, when we wanted to show we were enjoying a power ballad, we used a lighter, not a red card.

Who here remembers the World Cup match in 2006 when Zinedine Zidane proved his douchebagery in front of millions, (if not more than a billion), by headbutting Marco Materazzi in the chest?

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Ok, I know Materazzi was himself a douche, and the argument could be made that he deserved what he got, but it's still no excuse for headbutting someone in the chest. Especially not in the final 10 minutes of the championship game of the World Cup!

I remember seeing it and laughing, though. Because, it's so unlike the French to retaliate. Usually they surrender and then go have a smoke.

All right! Stop it! I was teasing! I know the surrendering and smoking are both stereotypes and aren't accurate. It's called comedy, people! Plus, I've been to Paris. And they were rude to me, so I get to be rude back. (and no, I wasn't an arrogant American tourist who expected them to speak English to me. I was fluent in conversational French, although my accent was atrocious. Still, a slight grammatical error or mispronunciation and many French people treated you like you were speaking complete gibberish. Plus, the entire city was dirty. The rest of France was wonderful. Paris sucked, though.)

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Anyhoo.....no one cares about the French. You all came here today to get the lowdown on yesterdays Made Up Monday!

I've got a secret for you.....I made it up. Turns out, it was just some lame space erotica I came up with out of thin air. Oh, sure, Tereshkova really was the first female i space in 1963. And she did pilot the Vostok 6. But she flew alone. And it was her only venture into space. In fact, it took another 19 years before another woman flew in space. Bykovsky was real, though. He piloted the Vostok 5 which launched 2 days before Tereshkova, and he orbited for 5 days to her 3. They landed at about the same time. The even came within 3 miles of each other while orbiting. but, unless Bykovsky had an extension built into Mr. Happy, there was no hanky panky between the two.

Officially, according to both Russia and the US, there hasn't been any sex in space. Officially. However, the difficulties I portrayed in my space erotica came from NASA studies on sex in space, so.....how do they know unless someones tried it? My guess is, somewhere along the line, masturbation has been part of the experiments conducted in space. But no official sex has happened. And that's the story they're sticking to.

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It should be noted that it has been reported that NASA did conduct sex experiments in 1996 on mission STS-XX, but the report about the sex was later proven to be a hoax. No official sex has transpired that they will admit to the public. Doesn't mean it hasn't happened, just that they wont admit it.

But, on with todays boring oddity.

Why do I call it boring? Because it involves a subject the majority of Americans don't give a rats ass about. I'm talking about football. Not fake football like they play in the states, but real football. The original. Futbal.

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Today I'm discussing one very important art of the game: the red card. More specifically, red cards and the World Cup.

The red card is fairly new to the sport. It's younger than me, even. (shut it. I'm old, but not ancient....) It was introduced in 1970 by FIFA at the World Cup in Mexico. The reason being, at the 1966 Cup match between England and Argentina, the referee cautioned two English players and sent off an Argentinian. A fact that was not clear at the time. It seems the referee spoke one language, the Argentinians a second, and the English a third. No one really understood what the ref was talking about.

That got the rules people at FIFA thinking. So they came up with a color card system that was language independent. If you saw a card, no matter what language you spoke, it would be clear what it meant. Yellow is used when a player is cautioned, and red is used when a player is being sent off.

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The adoption of the card system resolved a lot of confusion for both players and referees. The players still don't like being sent off, but at least they can tell when it's happening.

For the record, the first person sent off with a red card in a World Cup match was Carlos Caszely, who played for Chile in 1974.

In 1986, Jose Batista, playing for Uruguay, was sent off in the first minute of play. And two players have been sent off in two different World Cup matches: Rigobert Song, who played for Cameroon, in 1994 and 1998, and Zinedine Zidane, who played for France, in 1998 and 2006.

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But the record for cards pulled in one match goes to the Netherlands vs. Portugal in 2006. 4 red cards and 16 yellows were used between the two teams.

Since FIFA adopted the card system, several other sports have as well. Should have patented the idea while you had the chance FIFA....