I has a sad.
And my sad is not happy. In fact, it's so not happy that it exactly the opposite of glee and closer to gloom.
And my sad has nothing to do with the republicans, or the tea party. Seriously. Those guys are like, mosquitos on my penis; a major annoyance. But I'll survive.
No, my sad is more because of other things. Things that don't matter to normal people. But, I'm not normal. I'm the president.
No. Actually, I'm not. I'm otter. Who really thinks I'd be qualified for president? Anyone? No? Good. You guys are actually kind-of smart.
I would be a terrible president. Why? Because I have my own opinions. And we all know that individual opinions and politics don't mix.
Anyway, as I was saying, I has a sad.
Not a presidential sad, just a plain old otter sad. And, why am I sad? Well, because I'm not a billionaire. If I were a billionaire, I'd have no worries at all. No bills, no need to work, the ability to do what I wanted when I wanted...
But, money isn't the only reason I'm sad. The true reason I'm sad is the subject of todays oddity.
You see, I'm disillusioned. Things that are supposed to be cheery or entertaining are actually not. They are something that you never thought of. But, once you hear of them, you'll have a sad as well.
So, if it's going to make you sad, why would I share them?
Because I'm a jerk.
So, without further ado, here is the thing that gives me a sad.
How many of you have seen Toy Story? Maybe part 2? Or part 3? And how many of you enjoyed them?
Sure, they were entertaining movies. Good stories. Fun for the whole family.
But, how many of you realize that, something terrible went on in those movies? Something that, when you hear of it, you'll be shocked and stunned.
You see, when you really think about it, those toys, the ones that kept Andy happy, suffered. Think about it.
Remember Toy Story 2, and then think about Toy Story 3. Andy went from an adolescent to a young man. And his toys were there for the whole thing.
And, when Andy was present, they had to remain still. But, they still were able to see and hear what was going on.
So, while Andy went through puberty, and learned all about masturbation, the toys had to sit there and watch.
Poor toys. And that's why I have a sad. Imagining what those poor toys had to sit through. And, who;se to say that Andy wasn't a kinky kid? Maybe he was into cucumbers and jello....
So, have I spoiled your fond memories of wonderful movies?
Well, to prove I'm not a complete dick, I'm going to also solve a mystery for you.
What is the most hated thing on the internet? Racism? Porn? Bias? Trolls?
No. If you ask the question, most people will answer: Comic Sans.
I, being the super smart otter I am, just so happens to know where Comic Sans came from. Do you want to know?
Tough. I'm telling you anyway.
Comic Sans was created to emulate the style of print found in the comic books Watchmen and The Dark Knight Returns.
So, blame Frank Miller and Allen Moore.
And now, I'm off before you decide to enact retribution on me for spoiling your fond memories of Woody, Buzz and the gang.