In some cultures, cats aren't considered pets. They're considered a liquid.

Well, except for my youngest cat, Cosmo. He's not liquid. He's more brick. He's a fat cat. I mean, really fat. Why, he's so fat that, when he sits around the house, he leaves a divit in the floor. He's so fat, the local Chinese chef is stalking him. He's so fat, people look at him and say, "Damn! That's one fat cat!"

I'd weigh him, but he's heavy, and I'm lazy, so....

I don't know why he's so huge. He doesn't eat a lot. He just got fat when he was two. I try to keep him active and watch his diet, but he's still big. A vet checked him out and found nothing wrong with him. He just said, "He's a fat cat. Some cats get fat. He's one of them."

So, he's a solid, not a liquid.

My other cat, Scooter, is a dick. He's one of those cat's that, when he wants attention, he doesn't just tap you with his paw. Oh no....he jumps up onto a table, or night stand, or counter, or whatever, and begins knocking things off. He is so bad that when I go to bed and it's time to turn off the light, I have to take my alarm clock and lamp off the nightstand. If I leave them there, he'll knock them off at 3:00 or 4:00 am.

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Another thing he'll do is, stick one claw behind the trim of the door that leads into my bathroom and plucks it. Repeatedly, and with a rhythm. If a window is open, he uses the one claw on the screen and plucks it like an instrument.

He also insists on laying on my upper chest. He puts his butt on the pillow next to my head and stretches across my shoulder to just under my neck. It's very uncomfortable. For me. He seems to like it. It also makes it impossible to read.

But I love the little turd anyway.

So, why have I spent all this time telling you about my cats?

Because I wanted to show that cats, like humans, are individuals. All pets are individuals. But, cats show more individuality than most other pets. Someone who has never lived with a cat but has had dogs all their lives may not agree with me. But I've lived with both. And, trust me. While all dogs have some individual traits, they all act basically the same. Cat's are all 100% different. Well, 75% at least.

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And so, that brings up to todays oddity. It entails the 25% of cat behavior that is common to them all.

What makes them odd is, most people don't realize these facts about cats. They don't know why the cats do them, and assume the cat is doing something for a reason other than what the cat is actually doing it for.

Take a cat's 'talking' to you. People hear their cat meow and think it's sweet that they are talking to them just like they were another cat. Except, cat's don't meow to each other. If you hear two cats making noise at each other, they are yelling threats. Actual cat communication is at a wavelength that's too low for humans to perceive. It's thought that cats meow at humans because they have learned over time that we can't hear their normal vocalizations, so they have adapted. And, the more you talk to your cat, the more it will meow at you.

Another thing a cat does sometimes is "knead" somewhere on something soft, or even on their persons body, somewhere. And they purr while doing it. Most people take this to mean the cat is happy, or if it's on the persons body, that the cat loves them. In actuality, the kneading is the cat marking it's territory. Cats have sweat glands on the pads of their feet, and the kneading is a way of spreading their scent.

Think your cat is showing affection when it rubs it's body against your leg, or pushes it's face against you? Nope. Again, it's marking you as it's property. Now, this isn't to say the cat doesn't like you. It wouldn't claim you if it didn't like you. But that's not how it shows it's affection.

But what about when it purrs? That means a cat is happy, right? Again, nope. Cats don't purr to proclaim their happiness. They purr to get attention. Mother cats purr to attract their newborn kittens to them. Your cat purrs because it want's you to pet it. Or, it will purr when it's feeling unwell or hurt to let you know it needs attention. The fact that your cat purrs while you scritch it just means it wants you to continue.

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So, how can you tell your cat loves you? It's simple. Look at their face. If they are squeezing their eyes shut, that's love. When you pet it, does it let you rub it's belly? That's love. (for cats, males in particular, the area between the forepaws is an erogenous zone, and they won't let just anyone pet them there).

But, the one thing a cat does to express it's love for you is......it'll hold it's tail straight up and twitch it so fast it looks like it's vibrating. That is the way cats express the greatest amount of love. Cat owners know exactly the action I am talking about.

Another thing they do to show their love is, they bring you a dead critter. A mouse or a bird. A snake or a rabbit. Cats bring them to you to show they care about you and want to make sure you're being fed. They aren't showing off their kill. They love you and want you to eat it.

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And they want you to eat it because, they don't like them. Sure, cats will eat their kill. But, like humans, they have their favorite foods. And for cats, mice aren't it. Birds and fish and small mammals are their favorites. Rodents are just more plentiful and easier to catch. And how do we know this? Because scientists have studied it. It's why you see poultry, fish and beef flavored food in the store, but not mouse flavored food. They have made it, but cats didn't eat it.

Speaking of cat food, humans in America spend $4,000,000,000 a year on cat food. That's one billion dollars more than they spend on baby food.

Cats are social creatures who like their privacy. But that's not so different than humans. They enjoy the company of their people just as much as their people enjoy them. But that doesn't mean they want to be near you all the time. If they disappear, they want peace and quiet to sleep. When they get cold, they'll come snuggle. Cats are expert snugglers.

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So, now you understand cats just a little better. Knowing what their actions mean makes it easier for their people to keep them happy and healthy. Because they keep us happy and healthy. (pets have been proven to improve peoples health and lessen depression)

So, if you don;t have one, and you can get one, get yourself a pet. It doesn't have to be a cat, (but I recommend one), or a dog. It could be a bird, (don;t do it...), a fish, a frog, a turtle, or whatever floats your boat. But pets keep us happy and healthy, so do yourself a favor and get one. (I prefer cats because they are low maintenance. If you want to go away for a couple of days, cats will be fine with a big bowl of food and water, unlike a dog)

*Authors Note*

You may have noticed that I never used the term 'cat owner'. I always referred to 'cats and their people'. Because, you don't own a cat. You obey it. And yes, even though otters are the best animal in the world, since I can't have one as a pet, I'm the 'crazy cat dude' parents always warn you to stay away from.