1988 called. They want their Fanny Pack back.

Raise your hand if you remember fanny packs. Now, hang your head in shame if you ever wore one. And better yet, fall on your knees and beg forgiveness if you still use one.

You might think that this post is about the fanny pack. It's not.

It's actually about stupid inventions.

And, sadly, the fanny pack doesn't even come close to making the list.

*Authors Note* I'm not kidding about any of these. They all have actual US Patents issued to them. (yes, I know I did a post similar to this a while back, but, frankly, there's enough crap out there for a bajillion posts)

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First, we start with the fanny packs lesser known brother, the Neck Fanny Pack. This is, exactly what it's name says it is. It's a fanny pack, modified to fit around your neck. Because, you know, pockets are so inconvenient for carrying your stuff. But wait! The neck fanny pack comes with a piece that holds your phone against your ear for hands free usage! The neck fanny pack was patented in 2002. (see figure 1)

Smokers, don't you hate having to stand outside to slowly kill yourself? Non smokers, don't you hate that smokers get more breaks than you, just so they can stand outside and slowly kill themselves? Well, I have the solution for you. It's called The Smokers Hat. It's a hat, kind of, that sucks the smoke up into the brim, filters it, deodorizes it, deionizes it, and gives it a spritz of air freshener, before shooting it out the back. There is a plastic visor that hangs down to fully encapsulate the smoke. The visor even has a handy clip that holds the cigarette in front of the mouth so the smoker can still use both hands to work! The smokers hat was patented in 1989. (see figure 2)

Next up, we have the Dad Saddle. You're thinking, 'aw neat! A saddle dad can put on his back for playing horsey!'. And, you'd be wrong. They do make that kind of saddle, 'The Daddle', being one you can still find. No, the dad saddle I'm referring to is a belt the dad wears around his waist that has stirrups on it that the child can stand in. Kind of like the lazy mans piggy back ride. The dad saddle was patented in 2002. (see figure 3)

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Hey you! Yes, you! That guy who lives in Nebraska, but really wishes he could learn how to surf! Don't worry, a device patented in 1995 will come to the rescue. It's called The Surf Donut. It's a giant drum that has water in it, and it spins at a high rate of speed. Not unlike your washing machine on the spin cycle. You put water in, get it going, then, somehow, get on your board. The force of the water spinning countered by gravity will allow you to surf. Or fall and be seriously hurt. Dude. (see figure 4)

Ok. One more. Let me ask you, what is the main problem with having a gerbil as a pet? That's easy. It's that you have a gerbil as a pet. But, what's the second biggest problem? Why, it's the fact that the gerbil is stuck in it's cage all day. Poor gerbil. Never get's to travel. Well, The Gerbil Shirt takes care of that. This 1999 patent is basically just a vest that has a Habitrail sewn to it. (for those who don't know, a Habitrail is a plastic, modular cage system consisting of tubes and things for gerbils and hamsters.) Now you can take your gerbil out with you, and look like a total tool while doing it. Seriously, anyone who wears this deserves to be the person that has a gerbil as a pet. (see figure 5)

Figure 1

Figure 2

Figure 3

Figure 4

Figure 5

Now, depending on the reaction to this post, I may just follow it up with a sequel tomorrow. Because, seriously, I'm barely scratching the surface of the stupid here.