Fuzzy widdle cwitters who just need some wuvvins!

So, you know what they are? You’ll never guess, so I’ll just tell you. It’s a Momma Haggis and her Baby Haggis.

*snort*

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Hahahahahaha........I’m sorry. I can’t do it. I just need to start over.

It looks nutritious and delicious. *hurnk* Ok....it looks nutritious. Does anyone know what that is?

That is Haggis. Actual haggis. Like, sheep lung, sheep liver, sheep brain, sheep tongue, beef heart, onions and oats all stuffed into a sheep stomach. YUMMY!

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And by yummy I mean not yummy at all.

But you see the joke, right? I was going to imply that the second picture was just the creatures in the first picture after they had been skinned and cooked. Well, they were killed first. I mean, I’m not cruel enough to just skin a critter alive and cook it. Except for lobster. And I don’t skin it until after it’s cooked. But I do cook them alive. and then I eat them. And I’m not even sorry for doing it. Because fair is fair. Lobsters don’t kill their food before they eat it either. Plus, once they’re dead, lobsters are delicious. So that makes it ok.

And anyone who thinks it’s cruel to kill an animal to eat it let me ask you this, was that plant dead when you made it food? No, it was not. It had to be killed to be made into food. In fact, a lot of greens and veggies and fruits are still alive when you eat them. So get off your high horse so I can eat it.

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Hahaha....I’m kidding. Horse meat is illegal to sell as food in the US right now for some reason. Other countries eat them. And you know what? You’d eat them too if you were hungry enough.

In some parts of the world they eat dog. On purpose. In fact, the dogs are bred and raised for the sole purpose of eating. In certain cultures some dogs are pets and others are food. Just like we eat some fish, but have an aquarium full of other fish.

But hey, this isn’t about eating horses or dogs or lobsters. It’s about haggis.

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And everyone knows all about haggis, right? I mean, if I remember correctly, I have mentioned it before. But I have new stuff to tell you. And it’s not about how disgusting it is. Even though I could go on and on about that.

Today I want to discuss the origin of haggis.

Everyone knows that haggis comes from Scotland. And as I like to say on a daily, nay, an hourly basis: everyone is wrong.

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You see, what most people don’t know until I tell them is, haggis is mentioned in English texts before they are mentioned in Scottish ones. We aren’t positive who had haggis first, the Scot’s or the English.

But who cares. It was the Romans who brought haggis to England first. I’ve described the utterly vile and nasty things they considered food before, so it should be no surprise to anyone that they ate haggis.

But it wasn’t even the Romans who came up with haggis first.

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The first time this vile and nasty sausage was mentioned was.....

What’s that you say? You didn’t know haggis was a sausage? Well, it is. It’s not the typical sausage you would expect, but that doesn’t make it any less of a sausage. It should be noted that you can also boil pig blood with fat and put it in a casing and call it sausage as well.

But, where was I?

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Oh yeah. The first mention of haggis.

Would you be surprised to hear that it was in ‘The Odyssey’ by Homer? Well, I sort of hope it does. Otherwise, I did this whole history of haggis for nothing.

The ancient Greeks didn’t have haggis exactly like the modern haggis. But it was really close.

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Now, that’s just the first mention of haggis. I will bet minorly small amounts of change that haggis, or something very much like it has existed for many eons. People haven’t always had the luxury of wasting part of the animals they killed. After all, that’s how we got things like head cheese, blood sausage and rocky mountain oysters.

I’ll try head cheese if I know the person who made it. Otherwise I’m not touching the other two. I may be crazy, but I’m not insane.

Ok.....I’m insane. But I’m not going to eat blood sausage or some animals balls.

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*authors note*

I this post seems disjointed it’s because I’m typing it on my laptop which is on my lap. And I’m sitting in a really uncomfortable chair. And I’m at a school board meeting. And they keep asking me questions so I keep getting interrupted.